feeling drained..

this week was really a tired for me... i felt tired physically, mentally and emotionally...
physical there's nothing for me to say... late nights plus my anemia condition... then my mind has been always full of things to think about, to plan... then worries and fears will just keep popping out.. its rather irritating and i feel that i have been feeling irritated really easily this week... haiz.. that why caused me to feel tired emotionally as well. and i find myself becoming very sad whenever there is no one i know around me... i can feel immediately that my face turn black, but i really find no reason to smile or look happy... 怎么办呢？haiz..actually long wanted to have a break already, to take time to have peace and quiet, to ot be distracted by any of my worries and concerns... but it just turned out that something else just seem more important.. i guess that's why i ended up in such a jialat state now...
but alright la, not feeling pathetic about myself, but there is still fear of not being able to manage in the coming week and i sense my complain spirit building up!!! want to complain to God why make me go through this... then i will aiya, i know la you want me to conquer them and grow stronger... had been sharing that to people, i guess now is the time i get tested in this area and really live this out for others to see.. which is according to the season i identified myself to be in =) haha so... 是我自找的..haha reminded of what meixuan say during one of our follow up, haha she say 没有辛苦过哪里会得到.. haha so funny... but its true that we need to go through to conquer haha... i shall accept it with joy right?

feel so much better now.. anyway, calyn shared before its good to have an anchor verse to hold on to to make sure i struggle and go through things with God and fight against the schemes of the devil..
For this, i shall anchor on

Romans 8:28-30
²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^j]"> who^k]"> have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Stoning

haha... this post is about one of my hobbies!! lol... recently have been stoning more... think there was a period i didn't stone for very long, but i guess recently there were quite a lot of worries in my mind, which i'm still trying to work with God to drive away...

Just randomly got a 'revelation' about stoning. May not be true for everyone but at least this is the case for me. There were people telling me that stoning isn't good but never really gave me a convincing answer... i'm not someone easily convinced!! haha cos for me, stoning is not idling of the mind. in fact, my mind is rather active when i'm stoning. i'm thinking about things, most of the time actually thinking about what is going to happen. 'foretell' the future in my mind, running through what is likely to happen. Doesn't seem to be anything bad right? in fact such thinking can lead to a well-thought decision. it is something good that i should practise. However, the thing about stoning is that i don't come to any conclusion. that is why people see me in a daze and when they ask why do i look like that, i'll just respond that i'm stoning. because there is no conclusion to share... realise that this is actually something quite dangerous. i can't leave my thoughts hanging there!! i need to make sense, need to conclude. because, what if the thought was a negative one and i leave it there untouched, it will just cause any situation to worsen. making sense is very important.
Alright, so actually i want to resolve to stop stoning. I need to make sense of the things i'm thinking about...

God, our ever-present help

was reading Joshua for QT this morning, and was amazed by the way God has led Israel to conquer the lands, how he allowed miracles to happen so that the Israelites may be victorious everytime. Then i was reminded that i'm the spiritual israelite, which means God will also bless me in that very same way =) and i came up with this.... (not in any excellent literature, but the meaning is there and that is what is important)

The Lord wants Seow Wei to have good health, so that she can be more efficient in her work & will have more time to serve Him. Because the Lord wants her to have good health, He will drive away the discomfort and the symptoms of weak health away, miracles will happen so that Seow Wei may have a strong and healthy body again =))

Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

Dizzy Spells

... previously posted that i have been tired during the week... haiz think it got worse, had dizzy spells since friday... but today is alot better already =))
Felt really really tired on friday, slept through almost all my lectures of friday... actually wanted to try to keep awake.. then my friend say i look really tired, might as well just sleep through the lecture for my elective... haha that actually reminded me that last week i slept during the same lecture and only wake up cos my friend nudged me to say there's a surprise quiz!! haha... and there really was a surprise quiz again on that day!!
anyway, that time was just feeling tired, its only after i got home then the dizzy spells started... haiz.. the first time i experience it was when i stood up after sitting on the sofa for some time... things around became blur and dark and started spinning... so i quick grabbed onto something and took a seat... felt that it wasn't as good sign, so went to bed immediately... so i slept at 10.30pm and woke up at 8.30am.. a full 10 hours... when i woke up, just felt tired, not dizzy, so went to m'sia with my parents, they went to get tickets for the coach to terrenganu (malaysia), they are leaving on 3nov and won't be back before 22nov...don't know whether i can go through such a long time without my mum waking me up, making breakfast for me.... and my dad to talk to... having to take care of certain household chores... my parents jokingly called me kun ka loi, which is 管家女in cantonese...haha meaning i will be in charge of the household during the perios they are away...haha anyway i think partly because of the travelling, when i got back, was terribly tired so i went back to take a nap before going for caregroup... this time started to feel abit dizzy after alighting from the bus i took to go for CG, but at least still could walk, as long as i avoid looking at things that are moving vigorously, it's still alright... ( the typing is causing me to be a little dizzy again..) anyway, think i affected the caregroup... but i guess this is not within my control... feel quite sad about this... i don't know why exactly i get these dizzy spells... but fainty and blurred/blocked vision is not uncommon for me whenever i stand up after sitting for a long time...my mum says that its cos of anemia and gives me some herbal /tonic drink and soup.... i really don't think i didn't take care of my body.... i slept more when i sense that i felt more tired than usual... actually i just found out, i have alot of symptoms of iron deficiency anemia... wondering if i should go and see a doc about it..cos anaemia is quite common and many carry on undetected... so don't know whether it will help, cause i don't wish to waste the money... maybe i should finish the iron tablets i got from trying to donate blood.... but i always keep forgetting to eat...
anyway i just really hope that the dizziness and tiredness will go away soon... want to study for my test on wed and also plan to start on my revision asap... God, please help me!!