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Deuteronomy 9:1-6

2011-01-29T09:56:00.000+08:00

Not Because of Israel’s Righteousness
¹ Hear, Israel: You are now about to cross the Jordan to go in and dispossess nations greater and stronger than you, with large cities that have walls up to the sky. ² The people are strong and tall—Anakites! You know about them and have heard it said: “Who can stand up against the Anakites?” ³ But be assured today that the LORD your God is the one who goes across ahead of you like a devouring fire. He will destroy them; he will subdue them before you. And you will drive them out and annihilate them quickly, as the LORD has promised you. ⁴ After the LORD your God has driven them out before you, do not say to yourself, “The LORD has brought me here to take possession of this land because of my righteousness.” No, it is on account of the wickedness of these nations that the LORD is going to drive them out before you. ⁵ It is not because of your righteousness or your integrity that you are going in to take possession of their land; but on account of the wickedness of these nations, the LORD your God will drive them out before you, to accomplish what he swore to your fathers, to Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. ⁶ Understand, then, that it is not because of your righteousness that the LORD your God is giving you this good land to possess, for you are a stiff-necked people.

Read this passage for qt ytd and it helped me understand that God gives us gifts and talents, assign to us leadership, not because of our righteousness, not because we did something to earn it but He's doing so such that more may turn away from their sinful ways and be drawn back to Him. Just few days ago, there was a sub-d meet where timothy shared about renewal; particularly renewal three areas: renewal in identity, renewal in vision and renewal in leadership. On the point of renewal in leadership, he emphasised that leadership is not something to be earned. In my mind, i was actually wondering so how does leadership come about then? My question was answered answered as I read and understood this passage. Very clearly, God is saying to Israel, you have not earned this. It is not because of your righteousness that I am giving you this land to possess, but because of their wicked ways, God is showing them His power through Israel, by letting them dispossess nations stronger and greater than Israel themselves (v1). And God is doing so to fulfill His will and promise, for His Kingdom to come.
Thus, I understood that when God gives to certain possessions, gifts, talents or assign to us leadership roles, it is not because we did something to earn it, it is not because we are good/better than someone else, but only so that His will may be fulfilled through us, and His glory may shine through us. So let's put comparison and performing aside but focus on being someone God can use to advance His Kingdom =)

a little breakthrough coming from a hoping heart..

2011-01-28T00:37:00.002+08:00

hihi, just want to share over here about a little breakthrough that i went through this tuesday during the soft condensed matter physics class. It's the first lecture for this module and there were only 4 students taking the class. The horrifying thing came when the lecturer said that since the class is small, let's really try to get to know each other and got us to introduce us one by one. haha but the lecturer's a nice guy though =) yups, and so the first person went, he asked him to say his name, related modules he had taken, year and what's his future plan. I was like OH NO... the lecturer is gonna make me say to the whole class that I want to go into counselling/social work after taking physics course??!! Though all the while I have been (partially) openly making plans about pursuing a career in my interest, there was still this part of me insecure about letting my professors know about such plans that i have. I have never been able to share to my professors about my future plans. So immediately my mind actually started to think of excuses and what to say to smoke through his question. And being in the ultra mini class, my turn soon came. I introduced my name, my year and waited for him to prompt the rest one by one. And when he actually reached the question what's my plan for the future, i just said i'm not intending to further study, hoping that he'll just move on! haha but he didn't, he continued to ask what i want to do, and still avoiding to answer, i said work, and he continued, what field/area? I was like OH MY GOSH, THIS IS IT... and i finally said that i'm interested in counselling.. and the whole class was commenting that it sounds like psychology field and there was this guy sitting behind me, whispering into my ear: "you're in the wrong course, it's still not too late to change.." felt very uneasy at that point of time, but at the same time i felt my trust in God in this area actually grew. I realise that it is important that I am not ashamed of this truth about myself. I am proud of where God has placed me and I am also proud of the talents and passions that God has given to me. Though they don't seem to link and connect nicely and is a very uncommon pair, I believe God as the God of miracles and God of the impossibles. I embrace this is who I am because I believe this how He created me to be.

Also, during one day in my qt, i read this verse 2 Cor. 3:12 "Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold." I was immediately captured by this verse because of the rhyme in hope and bold, and reading it once more, I realise how powerful this verse is. Because we have a hope, because we believe that something is going to happen, we have courage, we face up to the things/ challenges we have and we are not afraid nor in fear. I really think this is very cool! haha and in a sense my breakthrough is an experience of this verse, that i have hope in God for my future and that gave me courage to proclaim what i see and understand of my future to everyone. =)

Secure in Heart (Book Review)

2011-01-18T13:23:00.000+08:00

This book my shepherd made me read, due to the many struggles that I faced due to my insecurities. Reading this book has blessed me with good perspective and encouraged me to not stop looking to God and trusting in God.

Secure in Heart

By Robin Weidner

Some thoughts on experience of reading the book:

A very practical book, giving guide on handling all kinds of insecurity faced by women. Emphasizing again and again that the insecurities we face are not the result of our inadequacy but how God made us to have an intimate relationship with Him. All our emotional needs can be met by God, however many influences from media, satan and many who are of the world, tempt us to believe that we have to strive to meet these needs instead of looking to God who is our creator and ultimate provider.

Providing many practical guides, this book effectively helps every women face her daily battles with the father of lies (satan) and helps her look to God and go through life’s many challenges victoriously, recognizing that every challenge comes with the opportunity for great growth.

Nothing more to say, but to encourage you to pick this book up, if you are a women this book tells you that you are not lonely in facing ur struggles but many other women face the same struggle as you and it is possible to be struggling in them victoriously, because God, our protector, our Father, our Creator, our Saviour never leaves nor forsakes us.

Secure in Heart is a book written to help every women deal with difficult situations in life as well as a guide to look to God to meet our emotional needs.

· Every woman struggles with insecurity at one time or another. This book talks about many different hurting situations which we can still remain strong. Packed with true testimonies of how other women found comfort even in their most hurtful moments of losing a loved one, failed marriages and heartbrokenness of a betrayal.

· Clear guide on using God’s Word to fight our daily battles

· Encourage us to share our struggles and allow other women to be part of struggle by offering support, encouragement and an example of trusting in God.

1. It is not wrong to feel and nothing to hide; God made us this way

· Being open to God and people is crucial to overcome insecurity

· God made women this way, embrace it, it is how we can connect intimately with God

· Hiding leads you to loneliness; Satan deceives that No one understands

2. Our worth is in God, not man

· We are God’s daughters, His love for us never fails

· His love is inexhaustible; His love is constant; His love is incapable of error; His love is non-retractable; His love is unceasing.

3. All our questions of security can be answered by God

· Am I Enough? God’s goodness Psalm 31:19, Psalm 86:17

· Who can I count on? The Rock Psalm 40:2-3

· Will I be rescued? The Anchor Psalm 18:18-19

· Will I be Successful? The Guide Isaiah 30:20-21

· Who will Protect Me? The Guard John 17:12,14-15

· What Do Others Think of Me? The Advocate Galations 1:10, Job 16:19-20

· Will I be Alone? The Comforter Psalm 119:75-77

Be a truly captivating women: Display your beauty through loyalty, commitment and faith to God.

Thank God for good results =D

2011-01-18T13:17:00.000+08:00

Today is the day if receiving results. Once again, I was prepared for the worse. And this sem really is no joke. Because if i were to fail my module, it would mean that i have to stay back at least one sem if I were to continue with the plan of doing internship. and i really felt i could fail.
However, God delivered me with good results, actually the best sem resutls i have ever gotten. My sem GPA is 3.83, it's from 2.61 last sem lor! I'm really surprised that I could get B for my quantum mechanics 2. I know I worked very hard but i also know that there are many things that I do not really understand! haha It's for the first time ever that my GPA had ever increased. From sem to sem, it had always dropped! Really really thank God =)

Beginning this year, I foresee that it will be a period when i will be challenged in trusting God with my career in future, and I believe this is the first test, and He showered me with a great blessing. I think He must be telling me His favour is on me =) Thank God, and I will continue trusting in You =)

Serving in combined service..

2011-01-16T09:49:00.003+08:00

ytd was a really exciting day. it was the first time i served in a combined service as an usher leader and the best thing is i didn't even know about it at all, i just went there and was asked to go into a meeting for the leaders. There were crop ups here and there but overall, everything had been good and i learned a great deal of things and i just think that this incident is so in line with all that God has been speaking to me about. To serve and give whatever little that I have and He will multiply.

firstly, the msg given to me was to meet at 12noon, so i told my people to meet at 12. turn out that 12 is the time for the leaders' meeting, so actually the other ushers need not reach yet. Thankfully they all forgave me for making them come down so early. Later on during the service itself, i just did what i could, not really knowing how to use the walkie talkie, i didn't even switch it on at first! alright in the end i still didn't use it at all! haha but i actually learned alot through the listening of the other conversations going on. It's really really different. In the normal services that we have, whatever we need to communicate, just walk to the person and speak, but at the combined service it is so big and the crowd is so large, we really need to watch out every corner.
Some key things i learned from this time of serving. I need to be alert and watch out for things going in every part of the auditorium. A leader leads well by giving clear instructions and clearing doubts that members have. I experienced that a leader is no one different from anyone else who really wants to serve God.

Looking back at this whole thing right after the service ended, i really felt that i had gone through this first time of leading usher in combined service in a 迷迷糊糊 manner. But after thinking more about it, i think God has a msg for me through this and that is that He has a great vision, He wants to complete something in this world that He has created and He has chosen to use me. Little as i am, small may be my contribution, God still wants to use me, and how wonderful is that for me to be chosen to do this work and be part of this work. I thank God and it really is my privilege =)

Jemara Photos =D

2011-01-12T10:35:00.003+08:00

Jemara Summary

2011-01-12T00:18:00.002+08:00

A summarized of the most impactful things =)

The trip was far more rewarding than what I expected. Exposed to many new things and experiences. I got to experience a simpler life. One that does not have the sophisticated technologies; One where enjoyment comes from things that are created by the hands of God (the scenery, the fishes, the stars, the breeze).

I was most involved in the kid's programmes. It was my first experience with this. Furthermore, we did not have most of the details and we had to do plenty of improvising and changing of plans during the trip itself.

Through the times of improvising and changing of plans, I really experience what it is like to serve with a simple heart of just giving whatever little that I have. During the first few days, I could only see the kids getting rowdier and more out of control. I really couldn't see how our plans will ever work. However, focusing on God, believing that God who has started His work and we have come here to be part of this work, I just needed to give all that I have. Holding on to this, we evaluated and came out with new plans to help the situation.

However, I am very glad that towards the end of the trip, we managed to hold the class in an orderly manner and certain values such as courtesy and cleanliness were instilled to the children. I am very thankful that for some other reason, I had taken Malay Level 1 this semester. It turned out to be pretty helpful for this trip. I could converse simple sentences with the children, and also help out a bit while teaching the English to the English teachers over there.

During this trip, I learned that missions require sustained hard work, continuous focus on God and His people. Own needs should really be lifted to God. However, God always blesses the heart that is willing to do His work.

Finally, this trip helped me to be exposed to a different culture, different living conditions. I sense the burden for the people over there and perhaps many other places as well. They are people who are very thirsty, so thirsty that they will drink whatever you give them. Pure water and not pure water. They will take both. If they get the good water, they will have a good life in future. If not pure water, they will either continue to thirst and it may even destroy their life. Thus it is important for people like us to go to where they are and blessed them with good, pure water, like how we have received from out God.

Jemara =) =)

2011-01-12T00:15:00.002+08:00

Hope to bless with this full-length reflections =)

Prep

Our time was quite tight, because we are leaving only a few days after over exams end (notice I’m using very proper English, cos our facilitator is an English teacher and corrected our English along the way! Haha). Nonetheless, the important things such as setting objectives, praying and planning were done under a tight schedule; Most of the time amidst of our exam preparation. However, God sustain all of us and allow us all to have a good spirit and I’m very glad everyone was ready and eager to give what they have.

Preparation was done all the way until the day before we left. We were still communicating among one another about the items to purchase. Pretty last minute but I guess it can’t be helped. There were times when I was rather irritated that those things weren’t confirmed earlier. But thinking about it again, I guess it must be God testing me and showing me how eager I am to see this being done well. Really, getting irritated won’t do any help and get me questioning how willing I am to go out of the way to achieve the best that I/we can give. See the bigger picture, I would say is the essence of doing missions for God. For the bigger picture is what God sees and we need to see it too then become able to live for something greater than ourselves.

I volunteered to be in charge of the purchase of food items for our goodie bag because I know where to get them cheap, moreover I can get to go to Sheng Siong Supermarket where I can help my parents buy something. However, the search for the supermarket was really bad and the things to carry was horribly heavy.

Then was the prep for the children’s programmes. Cassie came over my place to stayover so we could discuss during the night. For me, I ain’t experienced with planning kids’ programmes so she contributed more detailed ideas.

Day 1

Luckily KT’s dad came over to give us a ride over to Harbourfront. Our luggages were so heavy, we held all the food items and most of the donated books. I was very happy to see so many actually came down to send us off =) Started the morning quite well, but the journey on the sea wasn’t good for me. Felt dizzy and nauseous, but was seated apart from the rest and couldn’t communicate my discomfort to anyone. In the end, my neighbours, having overheard my attempt to tell my brother that I was unwell, gave me the seasick pills. Later realise that they were the group staying together with us at the Kelong. The next surprise was the especially sumptuous meal served to us. After enjoying the meal, we went over to Jemara for the very first time. From the boat, we could see from a distance how the destination looked like. It was a beautiful village; Kelongs and many coconut trees. We saw many children along the way and they all seem very excited to see us. Heading down to the education centre and opening the door, the children rushed in and sat down orderly on the two benches as if awaiting for our programme to start. My first thought was: Oh no, they are waiting for us, what should we do? Although we had planned some icebreaker kids’programme, we didn’t expect the children to come and wait for us. The team just took some time to ask around for the children’s names and ages. We were quite surprised that most of the children do not know their age. Then we proceeded to have our games with the children. Encountered some difficulties but it worked out well in the end. Cassie and I also realise that we had forgotten to bring along the paper which records our plans for the kids’ programme for the four days, so we will have to do them all over again. From the kids’ programme today, I got to see how hungry these children are for people to be there to give them something. Despite language barrier and that we were astonished and didn’t know what to do, the children were not turned off, they still expected us to have something for them and they waited. I realise that most of the time these children just really don’t have anything to do. They do not know what they can do, and they are just waiting for people to come into their lives and give them something to do. And we must do something about this, because if this continues, in the future, they won’t know what to do with their lives, and they need to know God has a purpose for them. After that we proceeded on to have a tour of the island, saw how a girl drew water from the well, which is the only supply of freshwater in the island. This made me give thanks for the comfort and convenience we have back home in Singapore. Ended the tour with a coconut buffet! Haha Our host paid one of the villagers to harvest some coconuts for us. Later Wee Leng explained to us that that was a way that they are using to help the villagers get an extra income. The culture there is very passive.

Went back, had our debrief and dinner, and shower, which was a disaster for me due to the cold water. But I really enjoy the Kelong; beautiful scenery, many fishes, wooden houses, simple roof.

Day 2

Had lessons with the children for the first time today. Had a lot of things we improvise along the way. We started off with the toothbrushing. Due to the inavailability of venue and resources, we had to split the children up into batches to teach them toothbrushing. But it all turned out well. I guess they enjoyed the song =)

Bangun Pagi, Gosok gigi

Kiri-kiri, Kanan-kanan

Atas-atas, Bawah-bawah

Gosok lidah, Gosok gigi

They kept singing it after the lessons. On hind sight, I would say that this day was like a day of understanding what we are doing here. What we did was just carrying out what was told to us. And we didn’t really understand what our role here would be. Later on during evaluation, we discussed about that our role is to help the children to change to transform into better children. Teach them good habits, help their parents and people around them see what good behavior is and promote/encourage it further. At the same time, we are training the English teachers, after all, we are only here for few days, while they are the ones who will be with the children on a much longer term. Today, I was discouraged by the fact that I cannot see how what we taught will stay with the children. For English, I do not see the motivation for the children to learn. They don’t use this language. They speak to each other in Bahasa Indonesia, to parents in Bahasa Indonesia, how will they ever use English? And without practice, it will be easily forgotten. For good habits, they only do it because we tell them/ force them to. Eg. Disposing rubbish: they first throw it on the floor or into the sea, only when we tell them to throw it into the bin then they pick it up and throw it, the next time, they commit it again.

But really this is the little that we can do. We could just be patient, don’t give up, continue to pray and hope that they will remember the things told to them.

For learning wise, we could just engage them and make the most out of the lesson time that we have to make sure they have the most practice of the language.

Didn’t feel that we had much accomplishment on this day, but it helped me to experience and serve with the spirit of giving whatever little that we have and trusting that God will do the rest. We cannot see how much of a difference we are making, but we hold on to the desire to do what pleases God. This is what will keep us going in the midst of difficulty and challenge.

Day 3

Started the class rules:

1. Respect your teachers
2. No playing/running
3. No fighting
4. Stay in class during lesson time
5. Be quiet while the teacher is talking
6. No littering

For this part we needed great help from the English teachers. This helped me to see that we are really training this people up to be taking care of these children. We were also initially quite worried about how the children will respond to the class rules. Because the Singapore children mentality is if you ask me to something I don’t like, I’d rather you leave me alone and I go do something I like on my own. However, the children were attentive to hear and it was really heartwarming to see them saying thanks by the kissing of hand (according to their culture). From that could really see that they do will give respect to us, when we establish our expectations from them clearly. It was rather different from the previous day, when I could not really see changes from what we are doing. Now we started to see progress. We also evaluated that we need to brief the English teachers before and after the class to help them learn the most. Our intention is to gain as much assistance from them in our methods of achieving a good class. This is to allow them to see how a good class is like and how a teacher can achieve it.

Today I realize that it would be good to hear more from the English teachers to help them to think and evaluate in the correct direction so that they learn and not just go through the lessons that we have. However, didn’t really manage to hear much from them in the end.

Day 4

Think today is like a wrap up of the experience of the whole journey of coming here to help the people. The spirit of never give up and being keen on doing everything that will help the Kingdom of God, continually improvise and make the best of what we can bring – these are what I experienced. I feel that during this trip I was put in the circumstance that I just serve with a simple heart. It is either I feel I can’t make any difference and give up or I continue to serve and not think about this and put my focus on that this is the work of God. This work belongs to God and as long as I am willing, God will work out something for nothing is beyond what He can do.

In this trip, we didn’t expect to do so much but we did manage to achieve a good job. We painted the whole exterior of the education centre, we established the classroom rules and there were fruits of better control of the class. It was a great experience.

Later in the day, took some time to linger and look at the things I did in the education centre, like the photo corner, the class rules, the arranged bookshelf, the crayons and colour pencils boxes. I could take ownership of these things but God tells me to let go, for my work there is ended. The next is for others to continue. And this is how it should be like. The work belongs to God and He chooses who to use to accomplish it. I may not be the one harvesting, but that doesn’t make me any less. I may not be the one reaping all the glory, but that does not mean God loves me less. I am happy and contented with what God used me for.

Lastly, I’m thankful for my team. I really think that everyone had good spirit. Didn’t really hear complains and all were eager to give and help.

Day 5

A pity we didn’t have time to go down to the land and catch bats (Brother Dodi actually promised to catch a bat for me to see the night before). But had to accomplish the road block, which I (not sure about the rest) enjoyed it. The task was to translate an English P&W song into Indonesian. We translated You Chose Me =) The task was actually not easy, progress was slow and discussion wasn’t done in a group. However, in the end we still managed to do it, and I thought it was a rather good job =)

I think the task serve to remind us that in missions not everything will turn out well. There will be times of problem and disagreement, but a willing heart to do what God wants can always bring us back. So hold on to this and continue on.

R&R & First Service of 2011

I missed most of the R&R because not feeling well, but I’m happy to go down to service. I really wanted to share my experience with the other brothers and sisters. It was a wonderful experience for me and I wanted them to be blessed and encouraged.

2010-10-03T14:42:00.001+08:00

feel the blessing in the air. learning to have joy and to enjoy being created to love and be loved.

didn't know daytona can make me so dizzy

2010-09-30T23:16:00.002+08:00

i'm just feeling bored so came to blog... ytd played only one game of daytona and i could stand up after that =( anyway iluma has the one arcade that does not have a single daytona machine!!

something to work on...

2010-09-06T00:32:00.002+08:00

was having lecture and multi-tasking.... haha i have tendency to multi-task even though i'm not very good at it!! haha especially when what i have to do is something boring!! hahah
yea, and i was just listening to lecture and thinking about a teaching!! haha spiritual enough? LOL.
Anyway the lecturer just mentioned that many times we tend to work from solution to problem instead of looking at the problem and working out a solution. Obviously the latter will help us arrive at a much better solution, yet many times we tend to choose the easier way out and remain stubborn trying to fit our solution into the problem. Just find this statement very inspiring and applicable in almost every area and really help us to improve ourselves.
And since i was also thinking about the teaching which reminded us that where we are is where God place us and there is a purpose for Him in doing so, and that what we are doing really is preparation of what is to come. Since the teaching was more of finding God purpose for placing us where we are, it helped me to realise once again that whatever we are learning right now are things that God, our Father wants us to be learning as well. To people like me, who don't really enjoy their studies, i think its all the more important to realise that no matter how uninteresting lectures are and how well-trained your teachers are in hypnothising, there definitely exist kingdom value in it, else you would be saying that God has made a mistake in placing you here!!
Understand that sometimes we do make decisions that actually make us fall out of God's perfect plan for us, but remember God promised omnipresence, that He'll be with us always, never forsaking us. So if God is around us, doesn't it make sense that His fingerprints will be all over the place in our lives? then doesn't it make sense to look closely everywhere about you to find God?

Deep Wounds, Deep Healing (Book Review)

2010-08-16T10:24:00.000+08:00

Deep Wounds, Deep Healing
By Charles H. Kraft

Some thoughts on experience of reading the book:

When I chance upon the book, there was immediately interest. I was actually only looking for a book that can help me, has an element of psychology (dealing with the deeper things in the human mind and behavior). But wasn’t sure about exploring inner healing cos I always thought that was only needed in far way more serious cases. However, still picked up the book to browse, skimming through the book I saw relevance and how I should be dealing with the negativities that I was struggling with during that time of my life. I knew the book would be useful but I still had doubts because the author wasn’t a well known one. Then I remembered the reason why am I looking at who the author is judging whether the book is good. And that is because they are more credible due to the wider readership, so I started asking myself , whether I’m mature enough to discern whether the text will be biblical and whether the book has strong biblical supports for the author’s claims. Finally decided to pick up the book after much confirmation from God.
Reading the book had been an exciting journey. It brought me to dig out many things within my heart that has been there for really long. Some really hurt to be dug out, but the book was encouraging enough to spur me on with the end goal I have in mind, to truly gain the complete freedom that God wants me to have. The book was also consciously reminding readers to do it (be it ministering to somebody else or desiring healing in one’s own self) together/ in partnership with God and to recognise what are God’s work and what are the things I have made it. I’m really blessed by the experience I’ve had in fellowshipping with God while reading the book. I gain greater self awareness and also God awareness and I know that God has healed me so that I can heal. Thus, I do hope that in some way, you too can be blessed by this review =)

Deep Wounds, Deep Healing is generally a book on inner healing.
• Good for those who is currently/wish to be ministering to those who have inner wounds affecting their lives and also those who are seeking help with their own inner wounds. This is not a self-help book though =)
• It provides understanding of what inner wounds are, how they come about, how it affects our lives and what it can lead to and how one should manage and partner with God to heal these wounds.
• Provides detailed and precise guidelines we can follow to minister healing that comes from God to suffering people.

1. Inner healing
• Dealing with the inner garbage within our lives which everyone has and should not be ignored. This is because it usually involves sin (usually anger and unforgiveness) and allows devils to have some control over us.
• It is all about receiving from God. Both the one receiving inner healing as well as the one ministering.
• It is about restoring our freedom given to us by God. Matt.11:28-30. By submitting our emotions to God. Giving God our rights to remain angry.

2. Damaged self-image of those hurting inside
• They are aware of sin, so don’t need to remind them.
• In the eyes of God, they are victims but they may condemn themselves for falling short of who God wants them to be.
• Help them by bringing them to see God being compassionate towards them and not help them see their sin because they already know. And also convicting of sin is the job of the Holy Spirit, not us. We are to minister love and bringing them to see restoration.
• Deepening relationship with God is what deep-level healing importantly brings about.

3. Largely affected by our responses to experiences
• The damage received by a person from a traumatic experience depends on how bad the situation had been and also how creative the person is.
• So don’t underestimate the damage just because the experience may not seem that bad.

4. Inner wounds can create a split personality
• A separate personality is developed due to a trauma. It may be deep sadness that create a personality that is dissociated from the person’s main personality
• In such cases, we need to allow the main self and the dissociated self to join back together.
• It is important that if the dissociated self existed before the person receives Christ, the dissociated self must be brought to receive Jesus first.

5. This book also talk about dealing with demons (due to our inner wounds, demons can reside within us and gain certain control over us even though the Holy Spirit lives in us)
• Demonization is not demon possession. Possession gives the connotation of full control but it is never the case that the demon can have full control over us; They can have some but not full control. Demons can only harm the areas that we are wounded and have sins.
• Therefore, the casting out of demon is usually not the crucial step. It is the healing of the internal garbage that truly stops the demon from coming back.
• Demons can be cast out easily in Jesus’ Name, but their presence in the person’s life is not the main problem, the main problem is the internal garbage which makes it possible for demons to reside.

Would like to end off with a sentence written in the book: Inner healing enables us to cherish even the worse moments on our lives. I certainly hope I’ll be able to do so, so it’s not the end of me receiving inner healing now that I have finished reading the book. I’m constantly checking for any damaged attitude towards myself, towards people and also towards God. I believe God wants to restore and heal me more =)

Expectation - It brings about striving spirit and ensures improvement

2010-06-02T15:05:00.002+08:00

With anticipation and expectation, we'll naturally find some ways to meet our expectation. No one will naturally be satisfied that they are wrong in predicting something. Whenever you realise that you might have been wrong in some way, you will not let it be but try finding out till the exact truth. Whereas if you have predicted correctly, you won't naturally have any incentive to find out things from the perspective that you are wrong. Seems pretty confusing at this moment. Let's bring in an example. Let's say today you are going for a class gathering, the previous time you had that, you found it really boring and a waste of time. You'd probably expect this time to be equally bad. When the gathering ends, you'd probably start thinking you're right that it was indeed boring and do nothing about it. Whereas if you had come to the gathering expecting lots of fun and a great time to catch up, yet at the end of the day you found it boring, you'd probably start evaluating why it went this way. Basically, without expectation actually forms a vicious cycle. You don't expect good things to happen, it does not happen and its okay. The next time you don't expect again and again it doesn't happen and it goes on.... However, if you were to break from this vicious cycle and start expecting good things to happen it will most probably go like this. You expect, maybe it didn't turn out as good as expected, you evaluate why. The next time, you expect again and you prevent what you evaluated is the cause of below expectation. For sure this will lead to improvement!

Expectation - Should have or not to have?

2010-05-27T23:50:00.002+08:00

Should we have expectations of one another and of God?
Let's first look at the bible
Job 29:21
"Men listened to me expectantly, waiting in silence for my counsel.
Psalm 5:3
In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Romans 8:19
The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed.
Hebrews 10:27
but only a fearful expectation of judgment and of raging fire that will consume the enemies of God.

Luke 6:34-35
And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' lend to 'sinners,' expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

Think it should be quite obvious from the verses that we should come to God in expectation. But will our expectations all come to pass? i would say no. Well, then why run the risk of having to feel disappointed? while it may really be true that without the expectation, we'll probably not feel upset, but it is not right to not expect; not anticipate things to happen just to avoid the agony that it might not be attained at the end.
I believe sometimes it really is not about stop expecting as a whole, but to think whether that expectation is what God wants us to be expecting. if we are expecting something that God doesn't want us to have at this moment, of course you will have to face disappointment at the end. God didn't give us the emotion of disappointment to torment us, but to challenge us whether we still trust that God has kept the best for you even when you do not get what you want. It is growing your security in God.
The verse in Luke talks about showing love without expecting anything in return. This does not contradict with anything mentioned above. We do good not to make sure we receive it back, that simply is not love at all. It isn't an issue about expectation at all.
Finally, just want to end by drawing our attention to God and how he demonstrates this. When God created man, He gave them freewill, expecting that they will obey His instructions and not eat the forbidden fruit. If God didn't have this expectation, He wouldn't be angry when they disobeyed. But God did not from there stopped loving man. Though we receive punishment, but God still meticulously watches over us. Moreover, do you not know, God is omniscient and omnipresent. This means that God knows that man is going to disobey and He is going to be upset, but He still expected. And He did so because He loves us.

Timeless

2010-05-17T11:07:00.002+08:00

want to post this to share this new understanding that i have... recently there have been rumours regarding Lady Gaga amputating one of her leg for fashion reasons. haha well, but i'm not here to discuss whether this is true or not haha!! i believe that this brings up strong thoughts and even emotions to many. My first reaction was finding it totally ridiculous for anyone to do something so foolish. Firstly, it is doing harm to your own body. Who in the right mind would incur a disability to yourself when you can have a complete one. i think in comparison to this, suicide can be a more logical thing to do!! (but don't get me wrong, it is NOT) Second, if your reason is for the sake of fashion, it isn't a reason at all!! Fashion is subjective. Something beautiful to one may not be to another. Being a media character, all the more she should understand no matter what she does, how she looks, there will be a bunch of people who loves her crazily and at the same time a group who despises everything about her. Moreover, fashion is susceptible to time! Look at the way trends change over the years. Everything comes and goes. While what you are doing (for goodness sake) is NOT!! The equation is one way! no turning back!! DOn't you think that it is such a foolish thing to do?

Anyway, my point here is not to convince that amputating your leg for fashion reason is a foolish thing to do. Hope to zoom in on the part regarding time. Do you think it makes a difference if the time trends last is doubled or even if it will last throughout the rest of you life? In the Kingdom of God, there is no time. Because there is eternity. The time of our whole life on earth is nothing in the Kingdom of God. 80 years is nothing compared to 1,000,000,000... years agree? So doing anything for the sake of anything in this world is not worth it compared to doing something for God. Let's live timeless, looking at what God gives to us in eternity and not the things attainable on this small little planet earth.

2010-04-03T01:09:00.003+08:00

oh man, my blog's suffering a serious drought. haha. hmm.. have not been dealing very well with things for the past few weeks (should it be several weeks instead?! haha) not able to cope with studies, other responsibilities and guarding my own thought life. Think i have been hanging on till right now plainly out of perseverance. Which i hope would be only be the temporal case.
There are quite a number of questions that involve the things which are really important in my life that i really hope i can have a clear answer to. Honestly, i find it quite draining. I have to constantly watch my own life, be aware of sins, be aware of season and respond positively. I find it so hard to be so alert. **i really have the hobby of stoning** It just feels really tiring and i just wanna slack away. BUT i know for sure that's not what God wants me to be doing. He called me for much greater purpose.

1 Peter 2:9
⁹But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

Find my mind being in very much of a mess, things unsettled and worries coming in, i really don't know what to deal with first. But i know all these are making me really anxious and disfunctional. Maybe this is what i should be working on first. So how to not be so anxious all the time? I would think of being more secured in Christ.

Matthew 11:28-30
²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Alright 2 verses to hold on to. If you're reading this please pray for me, cos I have slight anemia and suspecting (waiting for blood test result) thyroid. They have symptoms of being easily tired, intolerant to cold, and being negative emotionally or can even lead to depression. Was quite shock to know the one about depression. But i do find i can be very vulnerable to it so really need to be careful.

Friday 26, double the bad luck?

2010-02-26T23:10:00.002+08:00

haha, from the title, could have guessed that today had been an unlucky day for me!! met with several not-so-pleasantly surprising incidents. and the worse thing that happened was that I dropped my laptop from the chair!! and the LCD screen broke. Went to 8 flags to ask whether it can be repaired and the cost is $550!! that is not including gst btw. That's more than 25% cost of the laptop! probably can get a netbook at IT fair already. anyway, still thankful that its still working, just that with an ugly screen. just bear with it for 2.5 years more and probably i don't have to use it anymore. At least its not cracked until i can't see anything. Basically it is still working, just that not so nice.
yea, just 'whined' to xingyi about it and she say the crack looks abit artistic!! haha yup, must be thankful about the things i have.

hmm. recess week just started. i guess i really need to plan it well cos i really want to make use of this time to catch up with many things and really recharge to carry on the next half of the semester and conquer it better than the first half.

Anyway just also want to share something that is on my mind. Ytd during CG meet, sengkim encouraged us to fast lunch together as a caregroup for the whole of next week. i realise i was abit relieved cos i don't have to worry about what to eat!! (especially cos its recess week, i don't have excuse to not cook my meals) haha. cos there's quite a lot of frozen food that mum and dad left behind. haha they are really scared we'll starve to death!! haha yea, but i think i do worry my mum quite abit cos everytime they go over to m'sia, i'll fall sick. and that time during visit, my relatives all comment i become so much skinnier so my mum is worried that i don't get good nutrition when she's not around. yup, but i realise that i'm really lazy. Everytime i just don't know what to prepare to cook! haha i don't enjoy cooking after all (unless maybe it takes 15mins and everything is one pot/saucepan/oven!!haha). This is really weird, haha i'm like enjoying for fasting for a wrong reason! But still need to go back to the meaning of a fast. It is to deny myself of something and to seek God to fill me. Yup, so since i already know there is some other weird reason for me to fast, i need to be extra careful and make sure i stay on track!

2010-02-01T00:25:00.002+08:00

school semester has been tough... didn't really have time to take a break and that explains the lack of posts... Getting started on doing more things and definitely not adapting to them all yet =( but still have to just try and try.. one of my dad's fish just died T.T dunno izzit cos we never take care properly...

Anyway want to share about my excitement in this (still considered new) year, with the embarkment of ID2010 meaning 2010 being a year of intentional discipleship. Amazed that God is detailed to give us a direction to follow =) and it really gives me a whole lot of assurance that God will do something, He will do something and He will do something! And this is really something i really need in my own season of life. God just revealed to me more and more about my insecurity and lack of faith in Him and even distrust in Him. It was a painful time discovering but i guess without these pain, there won't be this drive to overcome! Emotions really adds the 'push' for us to do something. I truly believe that in this case God made used of my emotions to show me this and that just goes back to show what a meticulous God He is!!
Even though it says in Jeremiah 17:9 "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?", after all, God is the one who created us with emotions and allow us to feel certain things. The dictionary definition of deceitful is illusory and fallacious, this means the heart is misleading, but it is not wrong. It is not wrong to have emotions, just that they can mislead you. So the point is not to force yourself to be emotion-less, but to honour God despite your emotions. Like what i did, it was painful but i chose to face it with God and not run away from it or to cover it up, and i'd say it led to something good, cos i know what's the direction for me to grow in =)

Your emotions reflect your one true passion only. True? If not, what else? Why?
A question that i pondered. I have no idea yet, feel free to contribute haha =D

new semester

2010-01-12T23:14:00.008+08:00

thanks so much to sengkim and kuangting who kind of forced me to do up a plan for my entire uni, cos there are major PEs which i have to clear and i need to choose and plan them properly as they have pre-requisites and are only offered in one of the semesters in an academic year T.T because of that, i realise i have to take a year three module, otherwise i'm almost sure i need to stay for an additional semseter...
this sem stuck with all my core and physics major PEs!! 22 AUs of them!!

My time table:

TIME\DAY	MON	TUE	WED	THU	FRI
0830-0930	PAP219 LAB		PAP231 LEC SPMS-TR3;
0930-1030			PAP231 LEC SPMS-TR3;	PAP212 LEC SPMS-LT5;
1030-1130		PAP342 LEC SPMS-TR3;	PAP212 LEC SPMS-LT5;	PAP212 TUT SPMS-TR9	PAP231 LEC/TUT SPMS-TR3
1130-1230		PAP342 TUT SPMS-TR3-	PAP212 LEC SPMS-LT5;		PAP261 LEC/TUT SPMS-TR6
1230-1330
1330-1430	PAP342 LEC SPMS-TR3;		MPS811 LEC LT1A;	PAP261 LEC SPMS-TR6;
1430-1530	PAP342 LEC SPMS-TR3;			PAP261 LEC SPMS-TR6;
1530-1630	HW102A TUT SPMS-TR14			HW102A LEC LKC-LT- Wk1-7;LT27- Wk8-13;
1630-1730	HW102A TUT SPMS-TR14
1730-1830

Exam schedule

Index	Course	Title	AUs	Exam Schedule
70011	MPS811	Defence Science	3	23-APR-10 1430-1630
73221	PAP212	Electromagnetism	4	26-APR-10 1300-1530
73011	PAP231	Physical Optics	3	27-APR-10 1300-1530
73061	PAP342	Solid State Physics I	4	30-APR-10 0900-1130
73021	PAP261	Introduction To Lasers	3	04-MAY-10 0900-1100
70094	HW102A	The Art Of Academic Writing	3	-----Not Applicable----
73001	PAP219	Physics Lab Iib	2	-----Not Applicable----
Total	7 Course(s)		22 AU(s)

Looks pretty xiong... but have already geared up myself for a semester that i'll be really working on my physics!! By faith i shall find the strategy to doing physics!! muahhahaha!! (opps going crazy a lil'..) Hope to be able to go through a semester that is one of breakthrough; breakthrough not only in my studies, but in serving Him as well =)

2010-01-09T10:16:00.002+08:00

As what was said, I need to update this blog on several things… my results, reflections for the year and my new year resolutions =)

Examination results

Well, even though it kinda late to update about this, still really want to thank God and honour Him to the best of I know how to for what He has done. Hmm… I didn’t do very well for my exams in fact, I failed a module, got a D and a C, the rest of the modules I got an A-, a B+ and a B.

I failed my compulsory math module which I S/U-ed. Thank God I S/U-ed it!! Haha so now it doesn’t affect my GPA =) I got D and C for two of my core modules which are 4 AUs each… OUCH! Haha

Didn’t expect to do so badly, cos for the previous semesters C+ was my worse grade. So it was quite a great drop. Honestly, judging from the effort I put in to study for the past few semesters, the grades I get this time shouldn’t be what I deserved. I felt greater effort being put in to study and study hard than the past semester, but the results really did not reflect this at all.

However, God really spoke to me through my experience in receiving my results, I really cannot deny that He really really made me prepared to receive results that are disappointing. Initially I did not intend to ‘camp’ in front of the computer for my results to be out. However, when I wanted to off my com, I saw that I it was 2346, just another 14mins (and someone reminded me that results going to be out tonight!otherwise I wouldn’t have remembered) so I decided to wait awhile for it to be released. I started to get really nervous and scared during the wait, so I made myself think about the worse of the worse scenario, which is to fail and fail 3 modules, started to rehearse the situation of failing 3 modules and felt that it wasn’t that bad after all, I can just repeat them… so I got more settled but still sense that there was fear, so I decided to worship God and to pray to Him and really receive peace, which I did =) and there, I was prepared to receive the results. So the experience was really one that was very stable, I wasn’t overwhelmed by my emotions simply because God prepared me for the worse. And through this experience, God really convince me one thing, which is that He will never never make me go through a situation that He has not made me prepared for. Whatever challenge He puts in front of me, He has prepared me for it =)

After realizing this, I just find God very amazing and simply good all the time. Because He really doesn’t bless me for no reason. The last semester, He blessed me with good results , even though my knowledge of the modules weren’t good, this time round He didn’t do that again, because He wants to speak to me something different, He wishes to bless me in a different manner =)

Reflections for 2009

Haha, had CG meet 2 days ago and SK had us draw a picture of how 2009 had been for us… I drew the container for new year goodies that allows you to put like 6 different candies in one container. I thought of using something related to food to describe because I think it has been a year that was very full, in the sense that there were a lot things that I went through and all these things had greater and deeper meanings, they were really more than superficial things =) which really is a breakthrough, I used to be someone who really go through things without much thoughts and I don’t learn from my experiences and this makes me repeat my mistakes!!haha but 2009 was a year that I go through things and I come to know certain things that I never knew, especially things about myself, the deeper issues…

I would say that the beginning part of the year was a time that I started and prepared to will myself to make sacrifices to avail myself to serve God. Having a semester that was super cramped, super busy and super stressful, I was challenged to do things for Him.. But God really delivered me, in terms of my studies =)

Then the year went on with many many first-times with God. This was a period where I really discovered more about myself and make use of these things to make a difference. And all the way till the end of the year, I have been trying means and methods to make this difference one that is even greater. And this I would like to carry to the new year =) That I may continuously receive from God and have something to give to those around me =)

Resolutions

Two areas I’m really concerned about for this new year is my health and time. Because these are the two things that really hinders me to do more for God at this moment. So for now really want to set resolutions to overcome them =) yup, to do things taking into consideration my health and to spend time thinking about the rights things and doing things that are outward-looking =)

A whole new year!

2010-01-01T11:07:00.003+08:00

woots!! it's the first day of 2010!! haha glad that 2009 had been a fruitful one =) though there were things that were difficult to go through, tough times, there were really enjoyable times as well and i really saw how God had changed me this year =) yup, i did my reflections a few days ago, but it wasn't completed and i only saved it in my laptop which i left in sengkim's place (forgetful me in action!! haha) anyway even if i had my laptop with me i would probably not have completed the reflections as well, cos i had a really horrible headache after visiting sk at his place on tuesday night... it was like the whole left side of my face was in pain and i was really scared, really don't know what is going to happen to me... i can't sleep and can't do anything and it's like in the middle of the night and i can't go see a doctor... thankfully, my shepherd, gracia and my brother prayed for me and after sometime i finally manage to fall asleep after taking panadol... the next day (which is ytd) it was better but head still hurting so decided to still join the unit for at least dinner, before they go for countdown for the new year.. however the pain became so bad while i was on the bus and i felt like fainting so i decided to turn back home... and went to see the doctor after that.. he didn't really find out what's the cause of the headache, just gave me painkiller and a stronger medicine to cure my blocked/running nose which didn't recover for really long, asked me to relax and rest more... buden i evaluate whether stress or lack of rest could be the reason and i really don't think so, cos i have been sleeping really alot after the fever i had a week ago and it's the holiday, i'm not that stressed... really no idea what's wrong with my body and i'm very afraid that the pain i experienced will come back again, cos its really bad and there seems nothing i can do, except pray for it to go away...

think i go take some rest now, later my relatives coming to my place... oh yar, got back my results two days ago, God did an amazing thing beyond the results =) will share again about my results and 2009 reflections and new year resolutions...

2009-12-26T23:04:00.003+08:00

opps.. really long since i last blogged... hmm... christmas is just over and this year's christmas was quite an unusual one for me, cos i literally spent the whole day sleeping!! haha i slept then i wake up to take my meals and medicine then go back to sleep!! haha super unhealthy right? think i wouldn't have got up to eat if i need not take my medicine, probably sleep all the way!! haha... thank God the running nose and fever are almost gone, but i still can't get back my voice!! argh!! wondering if i should go down for tuition tmr morning... tmr is payday!! if don't go less money then less money for church building fund... haiz..
i realise i'm rather in a state of confusion when my leader is not available... haha cos sengkim went for surgery and his dad confined him at home for two weeks... even though he told us eng how will be leading us during this period, i haven't heard anything from eng how and it feels quite lost haha... really hope to see that the caregroup can still stay together during this period...
it was rather disappointing that we didn't really have visitors for the christmas service... and i went down for the service despite my fever because i really really hope that my friends would come down eventually and really don't want them to be forfeited the chance of hearing God's word because i wasn't at the service... guess i'll need to continue being faithful in making a difference in these people's lives...
my brain feels rather dead now... i just don't feel like thinking, don't feel like doing anything that is fruitful... it becomes so hard to give thanks and to love God more and more... God please heal me of my sickness...

My slippers broke on my way to school =(

2009-12-04T10:57:00.002+08:00

the broken slipper...

my slippers broke immediately after i reach the bus interchange to take my bus... was rather sad and angry cos its such a far walk back to home and the wouldn't be anyone to help if i were to take the bus and head over to boon lay =( stood there and thought for some time before proceeding to try to drag back home with the broken slipper... on the way i just kept thinking... why didn't it broke just when i came out of house? why didn't break only when i reached school... i just keep thinking that it broke at the worse timing =( but it put me to realise also i'm very reliant on people to help me... i just don't want to solve the problem myself... it applies to almost all things..and i make use of the excuse that i'm consulting Godly counsel, but i think i might have overdone it and it became shurking my responsibility to solve my own problems and by doing so i forfeit myself of listening to the holy spirit as well... guess i need to do something about it... i see the problem now, but i don't really have a desire to change it cos i just don't like the idea of having to face my problems myself all the time =( but i hope God can change me, once again, help me to become more independent... God if this is according to your ways, please change my heart.

GC and exams ended!!

2009-12-03T10:53:00.002+08:00

haven't had time to blog since i came back from GC and after my last paper!! haha... GC was really a crazy experience! but really fruitful and enjoyable =)
had three long days with severe lack of sleep... however, that really allow me to experience God's providence in abundance!! haha amazingly =)

initially was pretty uncertain about the trip... firstly had some problem deciding about the way to get to the airport as the flight was quite early and certain bus service we intended to take had not yet started... however things went on okay after some checking out and confirming… however, along the way, was still really uncertain whether it’s God’s will that I go for this GC, after all GC didn’t completely fit into my exam schedule and leaders didn’t encourage my decision initially.. its only after assurance that I have time to study that they allowed me to go… so I was thinking I might have forced my way here and might need to suffer certain consequences… but there was just a sense of assurance that still, this is what God had allowed and definitely I will benefit from this GC =)

During the trip, I studied for the first two nights, didn’t study on the last night cos we did sharing and reflections till 3am and I had to wake up at 4.30am to catch my flight.. totally crazy… and due to some complications, I ended up sleeping by curling up at the side of the bed on the first night =( but I really thank God for sustaining me through the programmes of the GC.. though I was nodding off, I captured most of the teachings and experience presence of God vividly during praise and worship =)

Another amazing experience that I really wanna give glory to God is His help during my revision… I amazingly managed to understand my module in short time spent and I really could concentrate in my studies better… I guess this was what I really needed… it’s really hard not to be stressed knowing that you have badly little time left to study and you are studying so late in the night, knowing that the next day will be filled with programmes and activities… I guess God gave me peace as well, I wasn’t panicky while I studied. Indeed God is faithful =)

Set a few objectives before the camp so as to come to God with expectation…
1. Gain strengthening to face challenges
2. Growing armour-bearer spirit
3. Making sense of experiences
Glad that God spoke to me regarding all the objectives =) Regarding challenges, I was rather put to shame cos I was exposed to people facing much greater challenges than me and they remained so faithful. I think to be strengthened is to look for resources to overcome these challenges… God gives to each challenges as well as the resources to deal with God cos God is out to prosper us and never to harm us =) had a new understanding about armour-bearing spirit that it is very important and I need to follow closely behind the leader in order to fulfil my job.. really want to improve on this =) I think some weakness I have in doing this is the way I communicate feedback and the knowledge of my leader… Lastly, making sense of my experiences, what I think I can grow in is the impartation of spirit to those around me.. the experiences that I have, I need to impart to the people around me, just like how I always gain impartation of spirit by others… this way the people help me to preserve this spirit if anytime I lost it or forgot it…

My greatest impression of this GC is that it really surrounds the building up of leadership, disciple-making and to be upward and outward looking =) many applications that were shared are how to build up people, how to grow people =) it called for me to impart whatever I have to be devoted for God’s work and gave me a push and a direction of how to overcome self-love and self-centredness =)
Really think that this GC was full of great and wonderful experiences.. on the flight back, I had to take the plane alone so it was a first time… didn’t think it was a pleasing experience but I guess it’s a step of independence =) which I quite secretly badly don’t want to grow in!! haha but i have no choice!! Btw parents went back to terrenganu already =( just two days after I return and a day after I end exam… pretty sad that I didn’t really have time to spend with them =( but I guess the thing that will really please them is that I will be able to take care of myself =) so I need to work hard to do that!! Came up with a household chores plan which splits up the work we have at home with my brother =) I think this time things should be much better! =)

Just want to end off by praying that I will be faithful with whatever God has spoken to me during this GC.. I really need to carry through, may things learnt, many things I have in mind to do, I may not have the strength, the resources to do them yet but I want to try and I want to put them on hold and wait for the opportunity =) Pray for a heart that is always soft and sensitive to the Holy Spirit as well =)

feeling drained..

2009-11-12T23:01:00.002+08:00

this week was really a tired for me... i felt tired physically, mentally and emotionally...
physical there's nothing for me to say... late nights plus my anemia condition... then my mind has been always full of things to think about, to plan... then worries and fears will just keep popping out.. its rather irritating and i feel that i have been feeling irritated really easily this week... haiz.. that why caused me to feel tired emotionally as well. and i find myself becoming very sad whenever there is no one i know around me... i can feel immediately that my face turn black, but i really find no reason to smile or look happy... 怎么办呢？haiz..actually long wanted to have a break already, to take time to have peace and quiet, to ot be distracted by any of my worries and concerns... but it just turned out that something else just seem more important.. i guess that's why i ended up in such a jialat state now...
but alright la, not feeling pathetic about myself, but there is still fear of not being able to manage in the coming week and i sense my complain spirit building up!!! want to complain to God why make me go through this... then i will aiya, i know la you want me to conquer them and grow stronger... had been sharing that to people, i guess now is the time i get tested in this area and really live this out for others to see.. which is according to the season i identified myself to be in =) haha so... 是我自找的..haha reminded of what meixuan say during one of our follow up, haha she say 没有辛苦过哪里会得到.. haha so funny... but its true that we need to go through to conquer haha... i shall accept it with joy right?

feel so much better now.. anyway, calyn shared before its good to have an anchor verse to hold on to to make sure i struggle and go through things with God and fight against the schemes of the devil..
For this, i shall anchor on

Romans 8:28-30
²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him,^j]"> who^k]"> have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. ³⁰And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

Stoning

2009-11-08T15:57:00.002+08:00

haha... this post is about one of my hobbies!! lol... recently have been stoning more... think there was a period i didn't stone for very long, but i guess recently there were quite a lot of worries in my mind, which i'm still trying to work with God to drive away...

Just randomly got a 'revelation' about stoning. May not be true for everyone but at least this is the case for me. There were people telling me that stoning isn't good but never really gave me a convincing answer... i'm not someone easily convinced!! haha cos for me, stoning is not idling of the mind. in fact, my mind is rather active when i'm stoning. i'm thinking about things, most of the time actually thinking about what is going to happen. 'foretell' the future in my mind, running through what is likely to happen. Doesn't seem to be anything bad right? in fact such thinking can lead to a well-thought decision. it is something good that i should practise. However, the thing about stoning is that i don't come to any conclusion. that is why people see me in a daze and when they ask why do i look like that, i'll just respond that i'm stoning. because there is no conclusion to share... realise that this is actually something quite dangerous. i can't leave my thoughts hanging there!! i need to make sense, need to conclude. because, what if the thought was a negative one and i leave it there untouched, it will just cause any situation to worsen. making sense is very important.
Alright, so actually i want to resolve to stop stoning. I need to make sense of the things i'm thinking about...

God, our ever-present help

2009-11-03T00:33:00.003+08:00

was reading Joshua for QT this morning, and was amazed by the way God has led Israel to conquer the lands, how he allowed miracles to happen so that the Israelites may be victorious everytime. Then i was reminded that i'm the spiritual israelite, which means God will also bless me in that very same way =) and i came up with this.... (not in any excellent literature, but the meaning is there and that is what is important)

The Lord wants Seow Wei to have good health, so that she can be more efficient in her work & will have more time to serve Him. Because the Lord wants her to have good health, He will drive away the discomfort and the symptoms of weak health away, miracles will happen so that Seow Wei may have a strong and healthy body again =))

Psalm 46:1
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."

Dizzy Spells

2009-11-01T20:27:00.002+08:00

... previously posted that i have been tired during the week... haiz think it got worse, had dizzy spells since friday... but today is alot better already =))
Felt really really tired on friday, slept through almost all my lectures of friday... actually wanted to try to keep awake.. then my friend say i look really tired, might as well just sleep through the lecture for my elective... haha that actually reminded me that last week i slept during the same lecture and only wake up cos my friend nudged me to say there's a surprise quiz!! haha... and there really was a surprise quiz again on that day!!
anyway, that time was just feeling tired, its only after i got home then the dizzy spells started... haiz.. the first time i experience it was when i stood up after sitting on the sofa for some time... things around became blur and dark and started spinning... so i quick grabbed onto something and took a seat... felt that it wasn't as good sign, so went to bed immediately... so i slept at 10.30pm and woke up at 8.30am.. a full 10 hours... when i woke up, just felt tired, not dizzy, so went to m'sia with my parents, they went to get tickets for the coach to terrenganu (malaysia), they are leaving on 3nov and won't be back before 22nov...don't know whether i can go through such a long time without my mum waking me up, making breakfast for me.... and my dad to talk to... having to take care of certain household chores... my parents jokingly called me kun ka loi, which is 管家女in cantonese...haha meaning i will be in charge of the household during the perios they are away...haha anyway i think partly because of the travelling, when i got back, was terribly tired so i went back to take a nap before going for caregroup... this time started to feel abit dizzy after alighting from the bus i took to go for CG, but at least still could walk, as long as i avoid looking at things that are moving vigorously, it's still alright... ( the typing is causing me to be a little dizzy again..) anyway, think i affected the caregroup... but i guess this is not within my control... feel quite sad about this... i don't know why exactly i get these dizzy spells... but fainty and blurred/blocked vision is not uncommon for me whenever i stand up after sitting for a long time...my mum says that its cos of anemia and gives me some herbal /tonic drink and soup.... i really don't think i didn't take care of my body.... i slept more when i sense that i felt more tired than usual... actually i just found out, i have alot of symptoms of iron deficiency anemia... wondering if i should go and see a doc about it..cos anaemia is quite common and many carry on undetected... so don't know whether it will help, cause i don't wish to waste the money... maybe i should finish the iron tablets i got from trying to donate blood.... but i always keep forgetting to eat...
anyway i just really hope that the dizziness and tiredness will go away soon... want to study for my test on wed and also plan to start on my revision asap... God, please help me!!

God, I'm rather traumatised...

2009-10-30T00:38:00.003+08:00

This week had been feeling rather dry and tired...it's actually not a xiong week for me... only had a lab report, one homework, normal workload for me... but really feel quite sian, everytime i want to study, i ended up just starring at the notes and can't focus in lectures as well, either keep dozing off or start stoning...yea then cos i keep feeling tired, i slept earlier too... usually i sleep at 2plus but these few days only went to bed between 12 to 2am... so i don't understand why also and i have been having quite bad headaches in the morning during the week... dunno why..

yea anyway, want to move on the talk about the things that traumatised me... ytd went home late cos of shepherding... yup then was taking 180 home with chee harn...yup then there was this road junction which i saw two ambulance and a police car... then, being curious, i looked out further and saw something on the ground which, at first i couldn't recognise was a crushed motorcycle... i think it's only about half the original size already... and there was alot of blood on the ground around it... and the blood looked as if it was splattered out..scary... and the civil defence people covered something which i think is the body of the motorcyclist... i was rather scared and didn't want to admit that the motorcyclist died during the crash... so i didn't tell chee harn about what i saw, i just told him a there is a car accident and omitted the part about the body... i think death to me is really something scary, that's why i really don't want to admit that they had pronounced the motorcyclist dead, even though it is quite obvious, how else will they cover up the whole body?
yup, and that wasn't enough, today i dropped off the bus when it reached my bus stop and just after taking a few steps, i saw the police tape used to close the pathway to go to the lake just opposite my house... then i saw a big crowd and several civil defence vehicles and police car... oh no! something bad happened again?! yup, i half wanted to go and take a look at what happened but also very afraid that i would see death again, so in the end i quickly rushed home, so that i could ask my parents whether they know what happened... on the way i just thought, even i feel so much about these people, what about their family, those who are close to them, their loved ones? what will they be feeling?
then i just thought that actually i could very easily be one of them... people close to me, my loved ones, my family, my friends, they are not in any way accident-free; disaster-immune... i could have to face such thing anytime, though i really pray i would not... Then i just thought whether God might want to speak to me through this things that i see... i think this might be a reminder to share the Gospel with urgency, especially to my loved ones...i really want to do my 100% to make sure they know about God and how important God is in their lives before i lose the chance to do so...
Anyway, after that reached home and asked my parents, they told me the news reported that they had expected that 2 boys were washed off by the strong current in the drain due to the rainwater from the heavy downpour in the afternoon..

Feeling sad and emo now... God please restore me... give me strength to move on, i know that dwelling in such sorrow will not bring about anything good, so God help me to move on, i want to make a difference....

Physics Craze!!

2009-10-24T01:03:00.002+08:00

Yup, this is it, madness in physics!! Well, what do you expect? i'm a physics student!! haha but don't worry, i'm not gone insane haha!! just that have been 'overloaded' with physics stuff lately.. yup, not necessarily a bad thing though, (even though i would still prefer not to be expected to understand so much stuff in physics) cos in the study of physics, i could see the fingerprints of God all around... To someone who has been given an intro to the subject, he'll probably think that science is wonderful and can explain all things. but now that i'm given more and more, it actually revealed to me that NO, science cannot explain why things happen... professors have been saying all things in science are postulates (that have been proven consistent empirically).. postulates meaning guesses... there is no prove why do we use this equation or why this constant...
take an example, the law of censervation of energy, which states that energy neither be created nor destroyed. Why? Why can't it? There is no explanation to it. The scientist just came out with this law because this is what we observe all the time. Yup, so science can't explain anything. It does not tell us how things work, it is just a study of how things work.
So, science can't explain anything, then what can? not too sure about the rest of you, but to me, i think the world is such a wonderful place and the way things work is so beautiful that there must be someone or something governing it. So this reveals that not only does the world has a creator, but this creator remains to govern the world. Convinced that this is God?

Really thank God for revealing these things to me. This could very well be why God has placed me in physics. It grew me so much in my faith and my understanding. I used to think science disproves God but i have no idea why. Now i know science does not disprove God and i can even share with those who like me, used to think science explains everything. God has been strengthening me in my mind!!

Definiton of Pride

2009-10-19T13:00:00.002+08:00

Few days back, was spending time with two sisters and we were talking about pride.. At a point of time a sister said... pride is to think about myself more than I think about God.. love this definition =)

It caught me thinking how many times i have been thinking so much about myself... my mind is always so full of I, I, I and Is.... how about changing them all to God? that will involve a lot of change, but God is calling me to do that!!

Desert Song

2009-09-25T22:33:00.002+08:00

=) very thankful for God for sustaining me this week. Well, it did had its share of ups and downs (with God). But glad everything work out right, and that i see God as a faithful God who really provides.

Start off by answering the question I wanted to think about since the last post, the question that Sengkim asked a few caregroups ago. About whether i can say to God that I can live simply because i have Him. Think God had been challenging me in this. haha cos i did include it in my prayer, so this is how God answers me and helps me. Just feel really amazed at how God always communicates me in very interesting ways... its like i have to take a big turn, then turn back to Him and afterwhich everything falls into place. Perhaps God is growing me in terms of listening to Him, waiting patiently for His will to be done. Why did i say that God challenged me? hmm, yup had things to struggle with.. role in caregroup, purpose in physics, difficulty in finances, striving to make a difference in my family... i think these are things really important to me at this moment, and i really want to handle everything well. But i think its really until now that i truly realise, these challenges are included purposefully in my life by God =)

Before doing this reflection of my week, i had always looked at these challenges as opportunityies given by God to grow myself, grow in managing, basically to grow to become a better person more equipped to serve Him. BUT, i missed out this important point of growing my relationship with Him as well... though it is in His plan that i grow to become a stronger person through the going through of trails and difficulties but what is more important... Just very reminded of Mary and Martha as i thought about this. I was like Martha, only looking at the external, my service to God, whether what i did made a difference. I forgot what is the more important, that anything that i go through, i seek to accomplish it with God, so that my relationship with Him will grow. My prayer for today: To be like Mary, seek to grow my relationship with God.

Very blessed by this song as well =)

Desert Song
Verse 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

Verse 2:
And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

Chorus:
And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

Verse 3:
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

Bridge:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

Verse 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

Think it really speaks of how i desire to handle the things that i am going through right now...having the assurance that God will help me, understand that God refines and disciplines, having the confidence in Christ. It really allows me to express to God that whatever it may in my life, Lord you are still worthy of praise =) As i sing this song, i will always recall of times of trouble when i find it difficult to trust God, but things always turn out well and i see God's hand in it. and seeing this helps me to trust God in the present =)
Also really really like the last verse.. This is my prayer in the harvest, When favour and providence flow; I know i'm filled to be emptied again, The seed I've received I will sow.. I think cos i really what to claim that i understand that i'm filled to be emptied again =)
Something i really desire to do for God. I think to be able to really understand obey to this phrase, I will really be willing to give up all things for God. i think it is declaring that the earth has nothing i desire, God You are my only desire. You give to me what you want to me to have and I am a vessel to be used by you, i take no glory for the things i do bacause whatever i did it is You who has done it through me.

Thank you God for being so faithful to me, not forsaking me even as i stray away and wander from you and somethings rejecting Your will for me, thanks for calling and pulling me back. Lord continue to reveal to me how to desire for more of You in my life, help me Lord to remember to always seek to grow my relationship with You through the work you call me to do (which is everything that i'm doing now =)) Lord lead me and guide me in Your ways, which i know is a pleasant future =)

Living my life as a worship

2009-09-13T08:30:00.000+08:00

Currently in a season of pruning.. I see God putting me through several challenges. right now,i believe God wants me to deal with my area of insecurity and dwelling in negative thoughts. Loving God in my mind.

Challenges in terms of my studies, my future, finances and family are all happening together. but thank God I'm still walking with God, having been looking to Him through this period. Just feel that really cannot fall away from being like this anytime. I really need to sustain this heart attitude that trusts God and believing that everything will work out right because of Him. Him alone gives me security, because however i look at the circumstance, the situation, i see no hope. But because of God in my life, i foresee miracles. My life will be one of miracles because my life will shine God's strength. it only through the lens of faith that i see a bright future, a bright future that i have with God.

One question (posted by sengkim) that had been in mind for some time is this: I can say i can't live without God, but can i say i can live with nothing else but God?
Having faced the many challenges, i can definitely say that i really cannot live without God. But the question whether i can live just because i have God and nothing else is something i had never thought deeply about. in other words, God is something i need but is God all i need? the answer should be a yes, because if i truly know God's character and trust that He can and will provide, i need nothing else but Him. but i just can't say that God is all that i need at this moment.
What i thought would be able to help myself is to ask this myself this question: will i give up all the things i have to be with God? My life, my friends, my family, my possessions... I think everytime i ask myself this question, i will tell myself that these are all the things provided me and He will continue to provide. But that's not true, the life of a bible character, Daniel, he lost all that he has and God allowed that. God will not necessarily provide me with these things, but the only thing He always unfailingly provide is His presence, His love.
Romans 8:38-39 "For I am convince that neither death nor life, neither angel or demons, neither the present or the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus out Lord."
Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who has been called according to His purpose."

I believe, i other words, God is saying He is all that we need. In EVERYTHING, God not only provide us our need, be instead provides us a life that is good. How would he then allow any of us to go through anything or any situation whereby our needs are not being provided. and we know that through the bible, the only things that God provided to all His people all the time is Himself and nothing else.

think that thinking about this question is really apt to my season now. to worship God with my life, i need to first be able to lay down everything before Him and say that God, these are not what i need , take them as You please, only be with me.

Making sense

2009-07-31T18:44:00.000+08:00

hmm..my part for ESS can be considered to have ended =) I really am glad that i could contribute this much, though it may not be the most important part but i am truly convinced that i gave the best that i could, even though the last day started to complain but after that i realised more so it really was an experience that i do not want to forget =)

Am really glad to have acquired several skills during this period of serving... photoshop skills, skills in production and filming, teamwork, knowing what it means to give my best...

Moreover, besides ESS publicity there were other things going on that allowed me to learn and grow... follow up on meixuan, usher team leader, taking care of yihan... this holiday has been ultra fruitful, still making sense of them all but i really am experiencing things happpening in my life because of God =) and i really still want to grow more...
Had caregroup ytd and sengkim posted the question: "How do we want to shine for God? In what areas and how?", it was kind of a follow through from the sermon last saturday... my first reaction was to think what does it mean to shine? to me it is to exhibit Godly characteristics through decision making...(why decision making? cos i believe that our lives are made up by the decisions we make (sermon by Ps. Andy Stanley, shown deuring service two saturdays ago)) so how can i exhibit this characteristics? and to who? I think first of all, i need to be someone that people will listen to and is interested in my life to be able to catch their interest in the way i make my decisions... so there must firstly be a relationship... then next will be am i sharing with others how my decisions where being made, to friends yes, to family yes, so where is this area within my influence that i do not showcase? very obviously it is to people in my course... i do not approach the people, do not pro-actively make friends, in fact i try to avoid people, avoid attention. i just want to go for lecture just to get the knowledge of what i need to know and understand so that i can do well in my exams and that's all...

Evaluated why...
my burden for these people does not really exist, i fear their judgement and i fear being compared in terms of results. Glad that God gave me understanding about doing good to all men and that perfect love drives out all fear..

"To slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men."
Titus 3:2

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."
1 John 4:18

need to meditate on these verses and put them into practise to be able to shine for God in this area =)

Serving hard

2009-07-20T10:41:00.002+08:00

Now is a period of xiongness..haha..many things to be done and new things to try out...hmm so why am i blogging? haha to make sense to keep track that i'm on track and not falling away.. cos the worse thing i want to happen is i serve God in works so much i forgot my motivation which is Him..

1 Corinthians 9:24-27
²⁴Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
²⁵Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last; but we do it to get a crown that will last forever. ²⁶Therefore I do not run like a man running aimlessly; I do not fight like a man beating the air. ²⁷No, I beat my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

yup, very important verse that i want to hold on to and never ever let go!
well, mainly busy because of ESS publicity.. cos the deadline is horribly near!! coming saturday will be our first publicity, that's like 5 days away only!!
yea, the things to be tied down now are the invite cards, the publicity clips..
but really am very thankful for this team..everyone is so hyped up to serve, i don't feel a tinge of reluctance to sacrifice time for the benefit of the ESS production...that i feel really amazed by how God prepared their hearts to serve.. though not the first time serving in a publicity team (previously served in communcations for UNI-YA Camp), i looked at this opportunity to serve as something new, a chance for me to learn and discover more about myself, and i want to see God working in me through this!
Definitely there do are things i learn and grow in already..i learn to maintain the good attitude, i learn to accept and submit to what the leaders ask for or criticise about. I learn to handle rejected ideas... wow! that's really alot! yea, thank God He made me grow :D
Learned to handle stress as well and saw my weaknesses in handling emotions, not prioritising my schedule, passiveness in many things... remembered God revealed to me that this will be season of exploration and self-discovery..so its half come to pass already i think, and the most important thing for me to do now is to make sure that i really make sense...and i keep the experience with me and not leave them behind..

Want to really remind myself to always go back to God's love which compels me to do whatever i'm doing =)

Refreshness from God

2009-07-07T13:49:00.002+08:00

Recently really embarking on a journey of self-discovery together with God. Although it didn't happen as i expected.. I wanted people to write something for me to reflect upon. and it just happen that all of them took extra long time, i hadn't receive anything yet though i asked for them since the previous entry.
However, i could feel that i am being more sensitive to my actions, behaviour and response to things happening around me and gain some self-discovery.

Here's some more significant ones..
1. Prefers to go personal
Shares really limited stuff at group setting but can be very open in one-to-one talks
2. I face struggles in accountability
only want to share out of the overflow of the heart. otherwise i with-hold things, refuse to report to leaders. (need to grow cos i still cannot grow by myself to want to do this)
3. Lack of a specific emphasis in speech and leaves the audience puzzled on what is the point i want to bring across.

yup, i really think there are still things for me to discover. but currently feel kind of drained. need to seek God. seek God to refresh me. refresh my desire to become more equipped in personality and skill. refresh me to do His work. i need a touch by God. A touch that will encourage and comfort me..

Season of self-discovery

2009-06-18T09:25:00.002+08:00

oppsy, i didn't blog for almost two weeks!!
yup, kind of busy with some stuff =) but still was fulfilling =)
ended the 10-day fast already, it was a time where i could really focus more on God and understand better what He wants me to do at this moment and really thankful that God placed people in my life to help me have a direction, particularly sengkim and calyn who both met up with to talk about this. now i'm really clear what i want to do to prepare myself for greater service to God during this holiday where i do have quite a luxury of time. it is a time to reflect and discover about myself, a time for me to take things slowly and have a stop-check on what exactly is going on in my life. Cos the truth is i really do not really understand myself sometimes =( emotions sometimes take over and yet sometimes i need to convince things logically..seems quite confusing to me and many times i ask myself questions, i will have this feeling that it won't be the same at another time, for example now i say i'm fully convinced that i am in God's plan despite being in a course that i struggle in alot and really don't like but i really am unsure whether the answer will still be the same when the semester starts and i don't really know what i do help. that's kind of the irritating part that i want to work on to be able make sure that i will make wrong decisions at any point of time. Self-understanding is crucial.

here's what i'm gonna do:
- self-awareness: don't let go of any negative feelings, find the root of it and see what's not right about my mindset that has caused this feeling. is it just a random thought? is it bcos of insecurity? it is bcos of jealousy? ...
- humility: letting God to prune me, show me the negative things about me and convict me to change/ improve, not to put me down but to make myself even more fruitful =)
- heart towards growth and maturity for the sake of God's Kingdom: check my heart of doing this; it is not bcos i want to do this to make myself a pleasant person in other's eyes but to make myself pleasing and faithful vessel that God uses to do His works, His great and mighty works =)

Okie, readers, do pray for me that this season of self-discovery will be fruitful =)
Thank God for many blessings =)

Called community fasting

2009-06-07T22:52:00.004+08:00

Had a sermon last week, by Ps. Michael and he talked about End Time Revival - Repentance that Leads to Revival. Was just very refreshed by the second point he talked about, community repentance. The verses he quoted was Joel 2:15-16

¹⁵ Blow the trumpet in Zion,
declare a holy fast,
call a sacred assembly.
¹⁶ Gather the people,
consecrate the assembly;
bring together the elders,
gather the children,
those nursing at the breast.
Let the bridegroom leave his room
and the bride her chamber.

Indeed God wishes for all of us to be involved. Every member in the community ought to take part to repent and to be consecrated to God =)

yup, i think that is why Tiomthy called for the whole NYC to have a 10-day fast during the sub-d meet last thursday =)
During the past few meetings, we have already been identifying areas that we need to repent from and have our hearts aligned with God, so now is the time that we carry them out in our lives to rid them and also draw closer to God.

To add on to what i mentioned in the previous post about fasting, i think the most important thing that we want to remind ourselves when we fast is that nothing can ensnare us from seeking God.

yup, so to share with you, the list that i made to fast from in this ten-days...
1. Lunch
depending on God alone to satisfy. Physical hunger will allow me to realise spiritual
hunger and feed on WOG
2. Chocolate
I can be reliant on chocolate to adjust my mood sometimes, always crave for choco when
having bad mood..
3. Going to bed after 1am
Unhealthy habit, not taking care of physical health
4. Sleeping for more than 8 hrs per day
Lazy habit, adequate rest is essential but sleeping too much ain't healthy too
5. Milo/any drink with milk in the morning
Have developed a reliance on it; it has become a must-have for me in the morning, so i wana
try and rid of any possible 'addiction'
6. Talking to stuffed soft/plush toy
finding comfort in unpractical manner, should instead talk to God or a fellow believer
7. Humanizing Rennie (my pet hamster)
creates emotional reliance on pet
8. Stoning on bus
idle-ing, unproductive, time could have been spent praying, reflecting or repenting
9. Dwelling in negative thoughts
magnifying problems instead of God
10. playing with nails
Bad habit that weakens my nails

Notice i not only mention the specific action/behaviour i wish to fast from, but also the reason why i want/need to carry out this fasting. Because this is not an opportunity to make myself appear spiritual but because i want fasting to be the tool for myself (not God) to see whether i am truly consecrating myself to God, not part of me but everything of me belongs to God.

Meditating on the passage Isaiah 58 =)

True Fasting
¹ "Shout it aloud, do not hold back.
Raise your voice like a trumpet.
Declare to my people their rebellion
and to the house of Jacob their sins.
² For day after day they seek me out;
they seem eager to know my ways,
as if they were a nation that does what is right
and has not forsaken the commands of its God.
They ask me for just decisions
and seem eager for God to come near them.
³ 'Why have we fasted,' they say,
'and you have not seen it?
Why have we humbled ourselves,
and you have not noticed?'
"Yet on the day of your fasting, you do as you please
and exploit all your workers.
⁴ Your fasting ends in quarreling and strife,
and in striking each other with wicked fists.
You cannot fast as you do today
and expect your voice to be heard on high.
⁵ Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the LORD ?
⁶ "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
⁷ Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter—
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
⁸ Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard.
⁹ Then you will call, and the LORD will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with the pointing finger and malicious talk,
¹⁰ and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
¹¹ The LORD will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
¹² Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
¹³ "If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
and the LORD's holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
¹⁴ then you will find your joy in the LORD,
and I will cause you to ride on the heights of the land
and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob."
The mouth of the LORD has spoken.

True Fasting

2009-06-02T17:41:00.002+08:00

hi there, all readers..
cos my leader told the caregroup to fast tmr dinner together, i thought of posting this post about fasting, to remind myself the true meaning of fasting...
For me i did not receive any teaching on fasting before. It was difficult for me to understand at first how can fasting help in my prayer life. but, i was inquisitive enough to read up on it myself *pat on the back* lol yup, so today's sharing is mainly from a section of the book Spiritual Disciplines Handbook by Adele Ahlberg Calhoun.

Firstly, some examples of fasting in the OT are 1 Samuel 7:6, Nehemiah 1:4 and Esther 4:16. The characters fasted as they needed strength and mercy to persevere. Jesus, in the NT, also fasted before healings and to overcome temptation. This can be found in Matthew 4:2. That was before Jesus began His ministry.

One very important thing to note is fasting is not a magical guarantee that whatever you ask for, God would answer! We do not use fasting to manipulate God's plan to our plan. Fasting should be used to help us to intentionally open ourselves up to seek God's will.
The definition of fasting, given by this book is: A fast is the self-denial of normal necessities in order to intentionally attend to God in prayer. Bring attachments and cravings to the surface opens a place for prayer. This physical awareness of emptiness is the reminder to turn to Jesus who alone can satisfy.
This definition tells me the 'power' of fasting. Sometimes, our schedule is so busy, we don't find time to dwell in the presence of God, we just carry on with the things that we need to complete, without recognising the very presence of God, who is there to complete the work for you. Fasting, offers us the time, which originally will be used in self-indulgence, to now focus on God, one-on-one. Our attention on God is no longer shared with doing our own things.

Another important point to note about fasting is that it is a practice of self-denial. Through fasting of food, shopping, gaming... we realise how much control these things have over our lives. and we had not intended for that to happen. The practice of fasting can help us gain back control and stop us from self-indulging. Moreover, we all strive to lay down our lives, dying to ourselves and consecrate ourselves for God, because this is the only way for us to truly live life to the fullest, the life God intended for us. Self-denial is a process of human subtraction and divine addition, otherwise known as divine exchange. Feed on Jesus, the bread of life!

Finally, I really want to carry on my fasting, knowing that I must do this because God can give me grace, comfort and nurture that I can't find on my own!

By Faith...then should i still search for answers?

2009-05-29T12:03:00.000+08:00

Finally, do tune in for more in the next post! Cos that is not the end...shall discuss that God does not intend for us to understand certain things and also whether we should still look for evidence to support our faith and what heart attitude we should have towards the search for evidence =)

Yup, as mentioned in previous post, there are things which we find difficult to understand, and that is perfectly okay, because certain things are intended not for us to understand, at least at the moment...
Matthew 26:26-29

²⁶While they were eating, Jesus took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "Take and eat; this is my body."
²⁷Then he took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. ²⁸This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. ²⁹I tell you, I will not drink of this fruit of the vine from now on until that day when I drink it anew with you in my Father's kingdom."

Do you think the disciples understood what Jesus was talking about? If i didn't remember wrongly SK said before they must be thinking why is Jesus talking about cannibalism??!

yup, Jesus did not intend for them to understand these things at that moment, however, now we all know that Jesus was commanding the disciples to take this Holy Communion in remembrance of Jesus, which symbolises the covenant Jesus has with all who believes in Him and are saved.

Another example is the exact time for the End of Age. God reveals to us the Signs of the End of Edge.

Matthew 24

¹Jesus left the temple and was walking away when his disciples came up to him to call his attention to its buildings. ²"Do you see all these things?" he asked. "I tell you the truth, not one stone here will be left on another; every one will be thrown down."
³As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately. "Tell us," they said, "when will this happen, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?"
⁴Jesus answered: "Watch out that no one deceives you. ⁵For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ, and will deceive many. ⁶You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. ⁷Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. ⁸All these are the beginning of birth pains.
⁹"Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. ¹⁰At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, ¹¹and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. ¹²Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, ¹³but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. ¹⁴And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.
¹⁵"So when you see standing in the holy place 'the abomination that causes desolation, spoken of through the prophet Daniel—let the reader understand— ¹⁶then let those who are in Judea flee to the mountains. ¹⁷Let no one on the roof of his house go down to take anything out of the house. ¹⁸Let no one in the field go back to get his cloak. ¹⁹How dreadful it will be in those days for pregnant women and nursing mothers! ²⁰Pray that your flight will not take place in winter or on the Sabbath. ²¹For then there will be great distress, unequaled from the beginning of the world until now—and never to be equaled again. ²²If those days had not been cut short, no one would survive, but for the sake of the elect those days will be shortened. ²³At that time if anyone says to you, 'Look, here is the Christ!' or, 'There he is!' do not believe it. ²⁴For false Christs and false prophets will appear and perform great signs and miracles to deceive even the elect—if that were possible. ²⁵See, I have told you ahead of time.
²⁶"So if anyone tells you, 'There he is, out in the desert,' do not go out; or, 'Here he is, in the inner rooms,' do not believe it. ²⁷For as lightning that comes from the east is visible even in the west, so will be the coming of the Son of Man. ²⁸Wherever there is a carcass, there the vultures will gather.
²⁹"Immediately after the distress of those days
" 'the sun will be darkened,
and the moon will not give its light;
the stars will fall from the sky,
and the heavenly bodies will be shaken.'
³⁰"At that time the sign of the Son of Man will appear in the sky, and all the nations of the earth will mourn. They will see the Son of Man coming on the clouds of the sky, with power and great glory. ³¹And he will send his angels with a loud trumpet call, and they will gather his elect from the four winds, from one end of the heavens to the other.
³²"Now learn this lesson from the fig tree: As soon as its twigs get tender and its leaves come out, you know that summer is near. ³³Even so, when you see all these things, you know that it is near, right at the door. ³⁴I tell you the truth, this generation will certainly not pass away until all these things have happened. ³⁵Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.
The Day and Hour Unknown
³⁶"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. ³⁷As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. ³⁸For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; ³⁹and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. ⁴⁰Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. ⁴¹Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.
⁴²"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come. ⁴³But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into. ⁴⁴So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.
⁴⁵"Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? ⁴⁶It will be good for that servant whose master finds him doing so when he returns. ⁴⁷I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. ⁴⁸But suppose that servant is wicked and says to himself, 'My master is staying away a long time,' ⁴⁹and he then begins to beat his fellow servants and to eat and drink with drunkards. ⁵⁰The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of. ⁵¹He will cut him to pieces and assign him a place with the hypocrites, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

In this chapter, God clearly tells us why has this been hidden from us.. He intends for us to be always on our guard, no one knows when the thief will come so we should always be on our guard. Not so sure how to explain my understanding of this, but this passage makes sense to me clearly that God did this for our sake, for our good. ... ...Maybe that says i need to pray for gift of teaching?! lol

Yup, so what should we do when we meet with something we don't understand? Not do anything and trust that God has hidden it from us? NO! Look at this passage..

Matthew 13:1-23

¹That same day Jesus went out of the house and sat by the lake. ²Such large crowds gathered around him that he got into a boat and sat in it, while all the people stood on the shore. ³Then he told them many things in parables, saying: "A farmer went out to sow his seed. ⁴As he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up. ⁵Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil. It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow. ⁶But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root. ⁷Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. ⁸Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop—a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown. ⁹He who has ears, let him hear."
¹⁰The disciples came to him and asked, "Why do you speak to the people in parables?"
¹¹He replied, "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom of heaven has been given to you, but not to them. ¹²Whoever has will be given more, and he will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him. ¹³This is why I speak to them in parables:
"Though seeing, they do not see;
though hearing, they do not hear or understand. ¹⁴In them is fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah:
" 'You will be ever hearing but never understanding;
you will be ever seeing but never perceiving.
¹⁵For this people's heart has become calloused;
they hardly hear with their ears,
and they have closed their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts
and turn, and I would heal them.' ¹⁶But blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear. ¹⁷For I tell you the truth, many prophets and righteous men longed to see what you see but did not see it, and to hear what you hear but did not hear it.
¹⁸"Listen then to what the parable of the sower means: ¹⁹When anyone hears the message about the kingdom and does not understand it, the evil one comes and snatches away what was sown in his heart. This is the seed sown along the path. ²⁰The one who received the seed that fell on rocky places is the man who hears the word and at once receives it with joy. ²¹But since he has no root, he lasts only a short time. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, he quickly falls away. ²²The one who received the seed that fell among the thorns is the man who hears the word, but the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth choke it, making it unfruitful. ²³But the one who received the seed that fell on good soil is the man who hears the word and understands it. He produces a crop, yielding a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown."

Sometimes we do not understand certain things not because God hides them from us, but because Satan and our own sinful nature stands in the way. Our hearts are hardened and refuse to let God speak, therefore, we cannot understand what God is doing in our lives.

So what do we do? how can we differentiate between the two cases? the key is when you have a doubt, ask yourselves this question...

Why do I want to understand this, will it change my faith?

Because, bear in mind God's purpose for creating us, He created us for a relationship with us, He wouldn't want us to doubt Him. The main point is, if a doubt shakens your faith, that doubt is the result of Satan's work. Things that God did not intend for us to understand should not change our desire to love God more and more. One example is Who created God?

To answer this, first and foremost question your own faith...

Why do you believe in God?

Why did you establish the relationship with God and cherish this relationship?

Because God loved us and showed His love for us tangibly through Jesus Christ and the cross. If this is the reason for your faith, does who created God matter?

To conclude, really want to urge readers to not handle your doubts lightly, imprint in your heart the FULL picture of God, not who you want Him to be. Let God be God, and me, i want to be His faithful and submissive servant.

By Faith...

2009-05-26T17:38:00.000+08:00

its time to revive my blog!! its been in coma since february which is 3months ago!! need to do resusitation,hahaha.. kk enough of crap..cos today i really wan2 post about something serious..
Btw also want to change the style of the blog, which will be more relevant for readers rather than an outlet to express my inner thoughts, so hope you'll enjoy.. (got this inspiration by my brother and cos of the blog that SK created for NYCA1 to post reflections as we did the daily devotions before the camp. anyway,haha korkor started a blog !the one who once told me blogging is wuliao!lol) just to be clear, what i'm going to share shall be the areas that God has spoken to my life and how i also want to grow. like Cassie says, "I am a work in progress," so am i =) and i want to share 'em because i have grown in knowing God more through these and so that all of us may grow together!

Bcos the matriculation period is coming, we are going to have a few session of teaching mainly to prepare our hearts for this period of harvest! woohoo! the first session was last saturday at Tiomthy's (this was intentionally spelt this way, haha) condo lounge. and the topic was Power of the message of the cross.

Was very refreshed by the teaching at the same time was put to shame as God revealed areas that i aren't fully obedient to Him..But that ain't my focus today...
We were asked to read and meditate on the verse 1 Cor. 1:18

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to those who are being saved it is the power of God."

What does this verse mean to me and what power does it have?
To me, the main thing i catch from this verse is to highlight the difference in what the cross means to us and to the non-believers. Slightly swayed in thinking by a book i once read...there are many things that we believers accept by faith. this does not mean that Christians are blind believers but that we believe because we once trusted and God has shown Himself to be faithful therefore we choose to trust again and again. and time to time, non-believers may question us why we believe and accept certain things about God even if we do not know the evidence or the evidence does not even exist. Examples of such question would include: How do know you will go to heaven? Has anyone you know gone to heaven and come back to tell you? or even What makes you so sure that everthing in the bible is true? The bible is all written by men, how do you know what they write is the truth? There is no archaelogical evidence of every single event, even though the existence of Jesus is undenied. Sometimes we get stunned by such questions and even turn defensive. we need to understand that it is our faith that helped us to believe and be truthful about this towards the non-believer.
You may think this would cause the non-believer to think that Christians are irrational or even robots that accept everything written in the bible but i believe that seeing this as an opportunity to share your experience with God would be a good approach. Let them know that in many things we carry out in our lives we exercise faith. A leader once said, "We dare to take the bus because we have faith and trusted that the bus driver has a license; We eat the food from the hawker centre because we have faith that the food is clean." How is this faith built up? cos of the systems and regulations or even through experiences. Similarly our faith in God is built up. It is built upon the consistency of the bible, the evidence we have about certain things in the bible, the experiences and testimonies that others have with God that proved God always has the best plan and also our own experiences with God. These help us to accept that the whole bible is inspired by God. And we can go on to share the areas God has shown His presence and His faithfulness in our lives. Even, ask the person, if that same thing happens to him, would he not praise God and believe Him?

To end off, i would like to talk about the passage in Hebrews 11, By Faith.
Hebrews 11:1

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."

This verse is basically the essence of what i had shared above..*pat on my back* (cos what i shared can be proven from the bible!! ensure that it is biblical!haha).. the passaege goes on mainly to talk about the people in the past(old testament) doing many many wonderful works instructed by the Lord out of faith, ie. they carried out their work not knowing what the results will be or even not understanding how will a good outcome come out of whatever they are doing.
Just want to say that as we go about sharing the gospel, do not be discourage that you are unable to answer to these questions or even let your faith waver but be glad, be glad that God has grown in you this faith to believe in Him!

Of course there are much much more that we can pick out from that verse (God's word is ever so powerful! =DD) but shall stop here....

Finally, do tune in for more in the next post! Cos that is not the end...shall discuss that God does not intend for us to understand certain things and also whether we should still look for evidence to support our faith and what heart attitude we should have towards the search for evidence =)
Shall also be faithful with posting in this blog from now on, that i will post at least once on this blog every week, unless i have relevant reasons =))

Praise GOD!!

2009-02-22T08:58:00.000+08:00

yup, gotta testimony to share! woohoo its really exciting and amazing walk with God! here goes...

Have not been feeling well lately, had fever 3weeks ago on 30jan then took quite some time to recover then after that last week had headache everyday however was not exactly consistent headache comes and goes sometimes but most of the time i'm having headache, yup. then last sat during service was really feeling weak during worship i could feel myself can faint anytime but i didn't then after that go back to seat my limbs were numb i couldn't even hold my pen to write sermon notes. told my cg members after service and they prayed for me. felt slightly better after praying. then luckily after dinner xuan an (a brother from eng how's cg) drove me home.
then after that monday was having guitar lesson, halfway through i wanted to go toilet and was walking halfway i could not feel my legs at all and hurried to grab the railing nearby after that corinna and jingying and huimin came to help me. but that could be bcos of the super cold room we were in. after that felt super tired so just put my head down and rest. then my head start to feel really ache and my head felt heavy and could not lift my head. might have gotten a fever then. then sihui cabbed me home.
then tuesday was okay, but i skipped a tutorial in the morning. then wed is the worse i went to school feeling okay but had to walk long distance from HQ to south spine and back.i felt great discomfort while walking so went to rest at HQ and brothers and sisters told me to go see a doctor so after that kor brought me to medical centre. the doc was quite irresponsible just ask and did not diagnose and said i had persistent headache cos body fatigue and just gave me headache pills. but i really wasn't feeling that good so yanyu volunteered to send me home and off we went.
after i got home i realize i have fever but mummy was away for tuition no one to bring me to see doc and i had mid term the next day morning 8.30am. but there was nothing i could do i took fever medicine and rested. the next day i still had fever so skipped my mid term and told mummy to brint me to the doctor. then i still had fever on friday so skipped school again.
Saturday felt better but not fully recovered so went for service.
However the bus i took was very cold and it was a long journey i started to feel unwell again.then after that service, btw ytd was combined service at suntec convention hall was first combined service of the year and it's to prepare us and give a direction for the year. yup so we were sitting at the top and was quite unstable.furthermore praise and worship people jump, all i felt was giddiness. after that michelle offered to bring me down to 'stable land'. down there was better but still not feeling too good. after praise and worship when we wanted to head back to our seats, when i just started walking i could see things moving so quickly grab michelle's hand. throughout sermon was not feeling well and did not focus alot, until the end when pastor jeff shared about why he joined hope... then i began to have more focus. then during the end worship i sang and God just impress upon my heart just told me these words: kneel down and repent. it was a soft and gentle voice, not angry not urgent, just how God always is. at first i did hesitated but i realise how real God had always been and how faithful He is whenever i obeyed, so i knelt down. i repented, Lord search me and tell all that is within me that is not right; i do not want to trust in my own plans; i want to trust in You Lord; help me Lord to look to You and not my troubles; remind me when i'm overwhelmed that You are mighty and You will save. then i suddenly remembered how come now i'm able to focus so well on God? cos previously sihui was sharing with me about her experienc with God during her cl training and she asked me how my week was and all i could tell her is i'm so sick i can't even focus on God. then that is when i realise i'm healed by God. i am fully healed by God, i do not feel any discomfort at all, i do not feel weak i do not feel any headache i do not feel giddy or nauseous. Thank you God !

i really think God wants me to use this testimony to remind others and bless others that having the heart of repentance as well as trust in Him allows us to claim His promises, all His promises =D

2008-12-28T18:26:00.000+08:00

woohoo.. long long nvr blog, but wells time has been eventful.. just ended the christmas week past few weeks really busy, preparing for the christmas season, really did lots though no converts for myself,time had been fruitful i learned new things and i believe with all my heart that God is preparing me for greater works of His! Matthew 19:26 i want to do the impossible with God!

want to share about our campus outreach,even though my group(me and sengkim) weren't very fruitful, i believe we persevered and trusted God with it. the first day i was really really tired and people weren't receptive so when we know that it will be the last group we share to, we prayed and i gave myself a last push, whether they are receptive is up to God. after sharing again, the people were not very receptive. at first was not upset about it cos i know only God can complete this work, not me but SK told me that there was a part i had not expressed myself properly and made unfriendly statement.really did not realise it and i was greatly discouraged cos it was really a last push of my physical self and yet i ruined it to a certain extent. then i went back with a drained spirit and body. however ,thank God i opened this problem up to jeekai, my brother and also other believers and they reminded me to trust in God, He has a plan for the non-believers too and whatever i done has an impact but the most important is still God and God is perfect His ways are always perfect!

the event made me realise i ain't commiting the evangelistic work enough to God, i'm still relying on my own strength sometimes, i tend to rush things done and forgot to take a step back and listen to God.

i really hope that God will continue to reveal Himself in my life and allow me to follow closely in His steps i really don't want to fall away. i'll be walking into destruction if i do so.

belated merry CHRISTmas, every1!!

testimony!

2008-12-10T01:59:00.000+08:00

today went to meet professor regarding the change programme issue. decided to meet him cos i still ain't too sure about the decision so wanted to seek his advice and also remember preciously i consulted him he told me i can look for him again after the exams and he can help in the procedure of switching course. However, the meeting itself wasn't very good. i could not see his concern in the matter anymore, he simply told me that i should do something that i will enjoy. Basically the consultation was quite unfruitful. after that i just asked some random question related to change course matters den just end off. did not really help in my decision and i was pretty disappointed. but i did felt as i was consulting the prof this promting that i will change course. i have no reason for making this decision at all. actually i was quite unfaithful to this prompting and it just did not come to me that that may be God's prompting. but really really thank God that i met yenling when i went to take 179 to go boonlay and change a bus to get home.then she asked me why i'm in school so i shared to her about my issue. den she encouraged me to pray consistently and patiently knowing God is working in a way that we as human cannot understand (fully). and she shared about her own testimony during her final exams when she got hospitalised and God healing her almost immediately after she realise what God wants to do in her. at that point i prayed for myself to also consistently pray to Him even though i'm already very sian about praying and not hearing Him giving an answer.
and immediately after i get home i just know i'm going to submit the change course application and when i type the reason, everything just came clearly ,my difficulties in physics and my interests in the SCI programme. previously every time i think of my reason to change course ,i end up being in a dilemma on whether to change course or not but this time it was clearly i 'm sure i want the change. so i really thank God for Him intervening in the matter and He really used this to test my faith and patient in believing He is control and He had greater plans for me that i do not fully understand.

EVANGELISE!!

2008-12-10T01:30:00.000+08:00

just really inspired by the teaching just now by timothy on evangelism. The teaching was basically some tips on sharing the gospel and reminding of God's calling for ALL christians to evangelise and share the good news. his teaching was really personal and very sincere,which is something needed in a sharing of the gospel to a pre-believer.
Just to share about my christmas season objectives firstly to re-ignite my passion in wanting to disciple God's people. Second to be a channel of love and blessing to brother&sisters as well as non-believers. Third to dedicate all that i have to be use by God for the advancement of His Kingdom.
wells today while worshipping i just felt God speaking closely to me to be a discipler of His flock, He reminded me that He has call every1 to disciple others ,do not need to await His calling before i disciple people.but we do need to grow in understanding ourselves so that we may be sure that we are leading people towards Christ rather than away from Him. and very glad that i'm carrying out my third objective. my caregroup wants to hold a Christmas party so that we may use the event to know each other's sowees and help them cross the line of faith. den we need a venue and preferably some1's house and just nice daddy mummy going m'sia 21to 27 so we can hold the party in my house! and ytd sengkim sorta forced me to invite yeesam to my house to cook something haha den use my house again and my skills in cooking?! yups thk God!

2008-11-25T19:09:00.001+08:00

exams OVER OVER OVER!!woohoo~!
though blog one day late but i'm still as high !!haha great manz!! relieve feeling and just so glad that i walked so closely with God during this period.
ytd's physics paper was pretty easy compared to the past year papers so is not as difficult as expected. so am quite confident of passing but will be quite curious about my grade since i S/U it. haha
anw dunno my GPA how la..need it to help me change lei.. yupps confirmed on changing course alr. however ,the online application not open lei, emailed person in charge ,so waiting for reply.. will be putting communication studies as first choice and second choice sociology.
haiz there's still this fear that i'll struggle alot in the new course and dunno wad will happen.so i really still wana seek God in this, just as during the exams ,i want Him to be close to me.

just came back from running at the src. haha ran alone, so kinda did some reflecting in the shower!!haha, den i realised something to thank God about!!Praise Him, for He is good all the time,even when we do not notice, He is GOOD!!yeaps. i just remembered that many other people will discuss papers with their friends before and after the exam and then they get so worried about their revision or cos they realise there are so many mistakes ,so i actually wana thank God that i do not know much people in the physics cohort such that they will come and stress me, moreover there are so many scholars they sure study very hard and do very well den i will realise how weak i am in the subject and start panic and lose focus in God. cos all the while i felt quite bad that i do not know the physics people cos God's will for us is to spread the gospel to all and not be selective in the people we share,and if i do not initiate a friendship with them i wouldn't be able to share the goodness of God or make my life a life testimony of God's love and strength. Yet,God refreshes me and served my need, He knew how i would have felt and protected me. However let this be a gentle reminder to myself to always trust in the Lord, even in such situation i shall still not waver.yes Lord continue to hold on to me, cos i am weak, i might lose the grip.

thank you GOD =)

2008-11-22T23:42:00.000+08:00

Praise the Lord!its another 2 papers completed!!lol really wana take time to appreciate God's presence in this period of time. Thank Him for bringing me thru!! yays! i'm just so refreshed by today's service.
1) God reminded me that when i seek Him ask for more of Him and not more of the blessings. having the right focus is more important than anything remember our purpose here on earth to serve the Lord and His people let all see the light and stop walking in darkness.
2) and the sermon reminded me of how God is always there.. regardless when i'm facing small little trouble or big problems that seem unsolveable He'll be there and His strength is avalable for us to tap into as long as we extend our arms towards Him. He'll will be awaiting to give us that touch from heaven and lift us above all problems. for we are His people the chosen ones that he'll bless and not destroy.
3) wana remember how God always moves when we even when we face small problems he'll be there to save us and i experienced this immediately on the bus trip immediately after service. cos i had stomachache and at first the bus had no seats for me so i chose a nice corner to sit. i closed my eyes and feel if the pain was necessary for me to sit if so i'd pray to God for a seat. den i think i need it so i told God and immediately the next bus stop 6 people alighted and there were 3 pairs of empty seats one pair is the inverted ones which i always get motion sickness when i sit.as i was walking towards the seat, a couple went before me so i 'aimed' for the seat behind them but then a man that just board the bus 'snatched' the seats from the couple den the couple had to turn back and sit at my seat however i was already sitting down so the couple went over to sit the inverted seats. thk God for the seat and really thank God i sat down before the couple came over otherwise i'd need to sit the inverted seats and i'm not sure what might happen.

and also want to thank God for his healing. had a bad stomachache on tuesday was really serious cos i can't even stand straight and had the exact same condition just not and on tuesday yanyu and corinna prayed for me then today the CG prayed for me and i was miraculously healed during both days! Praise God, the almighty Lord!!

okies Praise the LORD!! just wana end by these encouraging verses:
2 Corinthians 4:7-12 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus's sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you."

2008-11-16T22:37:00.000+08:00

yeaps its the start of the second week of exams!! yea really busy preparing for the exams, but in this uni group, u can never study without God!! and it has been so cool even though is really new to me. back in SA we did have a few gather-and-pray sessions before the exams but surely not this much cos most of us are taking the same papers and pray for ourselves and others together. now its so different brothers and sisters follow u all the way (some who dun stay hall ,like me, come down specially to pray for u!) to commit your papers to the Lord's hands. and that is so wonderful. was blessed by simply the physical presence of the people to pray for me,especially during my MAS181 paper last thursday. i don't know why i forgot so many things before going for the exams. was walking halfway there and was already kind of late den realise forgot to bring my jacket(ie left in sbs classroom) and would be late if i go back for it. so sengkim quickly said he run back and get and left almost immediately and later delivered it to me. that was not all, during the prayer itself before going into the exam i realised i forgot to check for my seat number and that being one of my first papers i didn't know can check inside. in my heart i really wanted to be panicky already but there was a voice assuring me there are people around me to help and i continued praying until the prayer ended. den i calmly told the people around i don't know my seat number and they started to think of ways to help me den started to call people who are still in the classroom but initially no one picked their phone den david said he run back and off he went. i was really blessed by how spontaneous these brothers and sisters are willing to help even if it means inconvenience and tiring them physically. after that tracy picked up the phone i managed to get her to get my notebook and read to me the seat number.THANK GOD! woohoo and i wasn't late for the exam!yay!yups so now i really really appreciate those who come down to pray for me and i hope to be one such person who could make a difference to a brother or sisters' exams ;)
Praise the Lord!!

another lovely verse:

Isaiah 41:10 Do not fear, for i am with you; do not be afriad, for i am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

2008-11-10T23:21:00.000+08:00

well, long time didn't blog .had been busy studying had a tough week, stayed in school late almost everyday to study for my quiz last week. nonetheless, God has been doing his work in me..really thank God that during this period i still felt the urge to outreach. all i see is the opportunity i have to glorify God with my life instead of just the little time i have left to study for my exams.
and last sat the uni group and yg group had a healing workshop and ps. Peter Truong came!!WOO! yups he was the pastor who led the healing rally during the thai camp. that was a really miraculous sight where many many were heal and it was really a memorable day for me cos it was kind of my first witness of God's power so tangibly. and during the altar's call, xingni prophesied for me. i responded to altar call for God to intervene in my studies particularly regarding decision to change course. and prophesied for God to grant me more knowledge and understanding. and for me to have a still heart because alot of things happen to us ,we do not know why and we may feel that we are suffering but we trust in God that he has the best plan and is in control.that spoke to me cos of the situation i'm in;it is so easy for me to question why God place me in this physics course when i found so clearly i cannot do well and if he had the plan for me to change course,y has he allowed me to waste a semester or even a year?but i really want to follow God as i go thru my tertiary education.after all my life is anchored by God, it does not mean to me anything if i do well academically and lose God.
thank God for refreshing me and assuring ur presence amidst the though time. yes,God ur servant is here awaiting to follow where u are leading me =)

Psalm 63:8 (NTL) I follow close behind u; ur strong right hand holds me securely.

2008-10-26T11:27:00.000+08:00

God is amazing :) he answered my doubt !!yeaps i had shepherding on friday and i told my shepherd that i was perplexed when i read the verse in Duet. 7 which talks about driving out the nations. i could not understand why God did not show mercy on these people, instead of trying to get them back to obey Him, He wanted to completely destroy them. shepherd told me that she ain't very sure too but trust that our God is knows what He is doing ;He knows what is the best .alot of times we may not understand fully God's ways but have faith and always trust in Him because we know we can accomplish nothing without Him so let Him be our hope.
Then just ytd while doing QT i come across these verses Deut. 19:19-20 and Deut.20:17-18 these verses spoke to me that God wants to make use of these people to warn us against evil so that we may not be influenced and conform to their wicked ways and fall away from God.
To me, God really spoke very specifically to my doubts and i am deeply touched by the God's love for me in wanting me to know and understand His ways so that i may align my ways according to His.
Thank God for being God !!

2008-10-23T09:17:00.000+08:00

oh no oh no very long never blog le..haha ehh last week had quite alot of happenings.. the mid-term i got it back ytd got 30 i thought its quite bad but its higher than average of 26.?? yups so thk God but my computing only got 6.5 haiz dunno where gone wrong i thought i know how to do den kor get full mark la !siao one!lols but still thk God i passed :) hehe
den thur went for the blood donation i was so anxious when the person checke for my vein and she checked my left arm first and say cannot alr den when checkeing right arm i saw a vein protuding out !!but the person was looking at another vein for very long so i pointed the vein and say this one can?? den the person see den say yes, YES! 过关了!!haha but after that went for blood test den kena rejected cos iron level too low =.= sians so cannot donate again lo..
den thur had my horrendous physics tutorial when i dun understand a single thing the tutor was doing and my answer made sense to me but they are all wrong T.T and that was when i really really got very serious about changing course. its not the first time but it was then that i really dun see how i this course will work for me .i am studying hard already and to the extent that i only sleep at 2am almost everyday and that is really taxing for me, i really need to sleep furthermore,i dun see how carrying on doing this will help if i study so much and cannot still cannot grasp my concepts i think there is no point staying in this course when i do not have interest in it.. currently considering changing course to comm studies. to me it is a course which is much more dynamic compared to science it will be doing about people's perspectives ,opinions and has a wide range of exciting career prospectives.. had a chat with cassie about the course on mon and found out more about what they actually do in the course. what i really wana do now is to calm down, be sensitive to seek what God wants me to do and continue working hard whichever course i'm in. yups already emailed staff to find out more about changing course but the person replied me that i can only apply for change after completing my sem1 exams. just nice for me to really slow down and sort out everything before making the crucial decision. :) really thru this wana thk God that me heart remain so peaceful even though i'm in quite a dilemma ..and i hope that i'll still be able to bring joy to the people around me and not let my own problems hinder my service to God and His people.:)
ehh ytd had unit meet but it was an 'unusual' one cos some of them went to cook green bean soup and the unit meet was actually for us to bring the green bean soup to our friends hall and to show love to our non-believer friends. cos we really wana be the light that shines and showers love towards our friends towards this stressfull time as the exams are approaching. matthew 5:14-16i paired up with sihui and we visited yee sam (and shiyong) and hwee min and her roomie, audrey :) at first i thought it was like pure evangelising but den on the way talked to sihui and she say actually is just to visit them and talk to them ;making a gesture of love to touch them witht the love we received from our heavenly Father. wells it was really surprising to me that they came up with such an idea ..i would think that its a really crazy thing to do if it is not for God, but because it is for God i am willing to do anything that is out of the world..just think of what God had done for us, sending His one and only Son to be crucified and die on the cross for our sins..who in the right mind would ever do that, but God willingly did this for each one of us ..our gesture compared to this is really nothing. i'm sure people see what i;m doing as a sacrifice but what is this sacrifice compared to the sacrifice from God? really want to take this time to appreciate God 's love :))

Psalms 111:3-4 Glorious and majestic are His deeds, and his righteousness endures forever. He has caused his wonders to be remembered; the Lord is gracious and compassionate.

the week 's memory verse:
was doing QT and realised i have so many verses i really like dunno which to choose first as memory verse. lol but think this stands out cos its from OT yet it spoke alot to me( cos OT i find it more difficult to understand OT right now, need to look INTO the words rather than just reading it.)wells maybe i should make all those useful verses into a list and it be really easy for me to get a word from God whenever i need them :)
here goes

Deuteronomy 4:29-31 But if from there you seek the Lord your God ,you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul. When you are in distress and all these things have happened to you , then in later days you will return to the Lord your God and obey him. For the Lord your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your forefathers, which he confirmed them by oath.

it shall be another day that i will delight in the presence of God =)

2008-10-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

stressful..haiz uni is really a struggle..this week is gonna be really hectic!!haven't do any tutorial yet!! and tue got calculus midterm thur donate blood friday corporate prayer meet sat got make up lesson word for life and sunday got water bapt...quite worrieed that i can't complete my tutorial esp physics!! but still thank God for being with me for the past week and bringing me thru the struggles :) i need Ur strength O God!! thk God my tuition are no more until my exams end..shld have more time to study...have a feeling that God's plan for me is not to excel in my studies :( but but it will still be the best way for me to go ?cos i really dun believe a God who so loved us that he sacrificed His one and only son to die for us on the cross would not want me to lead a fruitful life that glorifies Him.

sometimes i just feel like letting everything go by ignoring every single thing that is happening around me, people events things deadlines advice .... ignore every single one of them and just stone i my own life. but the Lord reminded me of His sacrifice for us and who He is and what He is able to do. He is our creator and the almighty God who can create a way where there's no way ;He is the one who sent us here and have a unique purpose for each one of us .How can i not be moved and buck up and live up to God's standard?
God i want to do something for U! and i pray this to happen and to come to pass, call upon me O Lord give me a mission! in Jesus's name,amen :)

didn't update the week's memory verse was :

Psalm1:1-3 "Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked or stand in the way of the sinners or sit in the seat of mockers. But he delights in the law of Lord and on His law meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water which yields in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does propers."

2008-10-05T23:50:00.000+08:00

heyas!!the new week is gonna start.. oh no starting to feel the exams are really coming but wells guess its the best time to start focusing on God especially by relying in Him on studies..now i think wad happened during cg was really impt cos if not for that i wouldn't really start thinking so much about the helpless-ness and frustration as i struggled to finish my tutorial and might go on falling away from God..at least now i know where i went wrong and is beginning to change for the better and during the even more difficult period i'm ready for the challenge. God is amazing,amen? AMEN!! haha and ytd sermon was about prioritising God first also so its really a timely reminder and encouragement from God.

yups ytd was my first usher duty in tertiary!! wells its not much of a change from youth..i thought everything ran smoothly..but really there was an extra sense of joy as i come back to serve in a similar way after stopping for such a long while..guess its cos doing something i'm familiar with and knowing that God is pleased by what i'm doing. :D and also very encouraged by those really first time usher. they displayed commendable initiative and spirit of excellence despite being really unfamiliar with the duties. and to seniors were good mentors too. kept asking us whether everything us okay whenever appropriate. make sure we are not blur blur and knows what is going on. yup =) happy happy to serve =P

den also now reading old testament alot alot of laws and regulations and can't really understand why there are so many of them but from them learnt about how particular we must try to be pure so that we can meet God. then i read this verse in levicitus that says we must not eat fats and blood and i was like how can that be possible. no meat can be pure w/o blood and fats! so asked kor about it. den he said that OT cannot be interpreted and applied the same way as NT, need to read more and find out the correct way to apply but just remember the most important is the principle behind these laws and not just physical submit to the laws. learnt alot from this. realise that is why many things there is no particular right and wrong its about why and our heart attitude towards it.. moreover,kor said if we are not yet sinless why do we bother ourselves with such regulations that help us meet God when there is an unbreakable barrier(sin) between us and God.we should know that trying to grow to be sinless is the priority and God desires us to be sinless.. Then he also say the many many laws also convey that it is almost impossible for any1 to be sinless,there are so many laws and we may even break them w/o knowing it .therefore God 's grace is really wad we need and thats why Jesus came !!
really refreshed by all these knowledge,guess i was kind of in the state of not understanding God's intention alr when this conversation with my bro was just in time..yups its another amazing plan from God =)

2008-10-04T00:32:00.000+08:00

wells, ytd cg was quite an eventful one..cos sihui was teaching about putting God first despite our busy-ness and the skills we can practice to prioritise the only eternal thing. and the first point was to slow down our pace. and i was thinking...how to slow down??there are due dates to meet,there's really no room for slowing down..so i pointed that out. den there were some discussion within the cg..jeekai talked about looking at the bigger perspective ,try to see God's perspective, not out own and sengkim reminded me to ask myself the purpose of me working hard (is it for myself or is it for God ??)i really don't know. sometimes i dun see God or feel God when i'm really studying. sometimes i really don't know why am i studying..i JUST STUDY!! i just wana finish my tutorial....truth is when i do physics, my whole mind is that SINGLE question and if i don't do that i can't solve a single thing..yes i can take a break when i know i get really stressed up but once i refresh myself, i must get but to the my-world-is-this-question state. God,is this healthy?? but if this is not what i shld do why am i here in ntu as a student, when i cannot study? am i always too focus on the things on hand i dun see any purpose in the big perspective?? and sometimes i really don't know whether i choose to study is the right thing to do..because i study but not fruitful,still cannot do tutorial den wads the point?? wouldn't it be better off if i had use that time to outreach or help some people in need or just sit down and listen to Ur word?

today, i pray to my Lord to grant me wisdom, grant me knowledge help me to see the bigger picture, lead me in the best plan U have prepared for me. i may be struggling now but remind me of Ur presence wherever i go. help me to be humble, grow me in the difficult time...still God has revealed to me the very true problem i have, may not seem very big at the moment but it sure can grow to be destructive..so i thank God for this blessings, in Jesus' name AMEN! :D

2008-10-01T00:40:00.001+08:00

heys!!back for memory verse for the new week :))

James 1:6-8 "But he asks must not doubt, because he who doubts is like a waves of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. "

Sat morning got c++ test, haven't really study so these days can't really blog =(
Hope to cya soon :)

With the presence of God, Each day is never hectic :D

2008-09-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

today 's sermon was about miracles!thank God for this sermon in such good timing when i've just received the blessing of a miracle from God. it spoke closely to me that miracles can happen anytime in our lives and we may not realise it. it is really so ironic, sometimes we pray so hard for a miracle to happen in our life yet when a miracle happens we don't see it. this often happen because we don't pray specific enough for this miracle and when a good thing happens we don't relate it to God. it also may be that we totally forgot about what we have prayed for.therefore, we really need to pray to God specifically in which area of our life and wait faithfully in expectation for God's amazing deliverance.
Even so, sometimes we don't identify miracles because, of the many miracles that we hear happening around us. when we know that so many miracles can happen, we tend to not see as much value in the miracles, we'l think of it as normal happenings. and forgot to thank God for the blessing. However whether God's deliverance is a miracle really depends on owns perspective. God can do everything:make the blind see, make the lame walk but u can insist its a natural happening.thus we need to humble ourselves, recognise that our strength is limited, without God's strength we cannot do anything.
also i learned that each miracle from God is actually to prepare us for greater miracles that will happen in our lives in future. and these miracles happen in out lives so that we can use them to share the gospel about how amazing our God is and impact others' lives. so i really believe God is gonna pour in lots and lots more miracles into my life that i can use to bring about salvation of more people.

today really wan2 pray for miracle on my evangelistic work. pray for God to soften the hearts of the three pre-believers i've been working on and show then how true u are in their lives so that they may receive ur divine salvation =)
thank you Lord for speaking to me so closely tonight and thank u for the many blessings and miracles that u are about to pour into our lives :D

2008-09-26T23:49:00.000+08:00

lol. ytd wad fun!! PERU visit the tree top walk in MacRitchie!! lol. as usual, i was really scared so i kept walking and didn't stop to enjoy the scenery cos whenever i start looking around, my legs will start to shake =.=' den cos i was walking in front, when i walk fast, people behind follow suite!haha den at the end michelle and huiying say this kind of place should walk slowly, and look at the beauty of nature in a different angle.. haha if u aren't scared of heights u can do it. i'd really love to but when i'm up there, no thanks =( after that we proceeded to jelutong tower and celebrated huiying's birthday in advance, her actual birthday is 1st october;children's day! so cute!! so we were the first to celebrate for her!muahaha!lol really hope she enjoyed it :)) cos really need to bring her step by step towards God; enfold her with the love of God ..den yichen also ..hope that the outing will let him see that the end of acts calibre is not the end of peru and see the difference in this group compared to the past other camps he had attended.

lol den after that went for unit meet at jon chen's house which is at keat hong!!haha so near my house.. its like the first time i have church activity so near my home sweet home =) thk God for that. of cos the feeling is good but still if its far ,it'll still be worthwhile to attend.
sihui told us to fast before the unit meet and think about personal prayer to ask from GOod during the fast. those i made were :growth in perseverence, mercy and forgiveness and courage..
soo thk God that He blessed me again, i was granted courage to share my testimony on the miracle on my C++ assisgnment. was really quite nervous before i volunteered but thk God i still did!! cos it always feel good to share of God's amazing works!AMEN!! ^^ heehee den after i volunteered, i said to myself: hey God blessed me with courage today, because i prayed for it! =) my recess week has been really wonderful, my eyes are opened to the things that God can do to my life and thru my life. and this i really think is wad makes a life purposeful. so i pray that each day i will dwell in the presence of God ;never will i shut my eyes, never will i shut my ears from His words and His callings for i know that each thing i do together with God will be fruitful.
afte that,teaching was about productive christian life. that we firstly need to grow strong roots, get rid of weeds, undergo pruning den finally wait for harvest. translates to foundation :knowledge, understanding and application of God's word. den rid of the unwanted: identify areas in life that hinders us/ draws us apart from God den lift them up to God, ask Him for help to overcome. after that grow through tests grow stronger to become even more fruitful.

today, yongsheng and daniel flying off to london for the tertiary education in cambridge. so pray for them a safe journey, grant them peace of mind and assure them ur presence and remind them that a reliance on U will make them the strongest man any mortal can be.them to continue shining the light from U and touch the lives of others. =) amen!

2008-09-25T00:31:00.000+08:00

today was a rather fruitful day too!manage to complete my physics lab report :) which has really been a killer subject to me every week!

today supposed to meet sengkim and his project mate peishan to run in the morning. so put alarm 6.15am den wake up, wanted to lai chuang 5min so slept on my fores thinking that this position will only allow me to sleep 5min but the next time i woke up was 7.05!!oh no i'm gonna be late! haha so rushed out of bed.first thing pray as i brush my teeth lol thank God for the 45 min extra sleep but allow me to still be on time. fruitful time ahead with sengkim and his friend, even if we can't be running(cos it was raining). left house around 8am.
den cos rain was pretty heavy, run was cancelled and instead meeting at cant a for breakfast. reached there first so put down bag and go toilet. den sengkim called, so i ran out of toilet and .........sloooop.......i slipped and fell flat on the floor!OUCH! fortunately no injury except for bruise on my elbow and butt (thank God for my fleshy butt!lol)
after having breakfast when to study at lee wee nam library. started on my lab report, which i had no ambition to complete!!haha but i did in the end, so really thank God for 3 fruitful days since the beginning of recess week :) when was halfway thru i found that our experiment was done wrongly thus our result seem so far off and i didn't know what i could do. Since there was nothing else i could do ,i used results that are not measured by myself. then after that finished my report at around 7.30pm. so we all went home after that cos they decided they are not able to complete their work today lol.
found out that their work is really quite tough and draining too. and their deadline is friday 5pm. and they can't finish it. quite worried for sengkim cos tmr whole day is filled by peru outing and unit meet then friday might be too late alr and he's still ill, not fully recovered from his flu. and first time i saw him so serious about work. he actually discussed the question while eating lunch and even brought out the qn paper.was quite surprised .and all the more make me worry to what extend will he stretch himself to complete his work.. thus i really wan2 pray for him. Commit his time into God's hands to make it fruitful and for God to grant peace and knowledge to him that he may focus in the work and not get frustrated or drained by the large workload.

continue to pray for cheong seng, a brother who has left church, yanyu just told me she's got connected with him and trying to know his reasons for leaving and getting him connected with the rest of us and such that he'l come back to God. i pray for cheong seng that God may reveal to him the importance of fellowship ;the support we get from one another ;the power of praying in groups ;the encouragement we always get from one another's simple actions that make great impact. remind him of the times he had had with fellow believers let him see the value in these past gatherings which drew him closer to God and the people around him. Protect him and not let him be drawn to the seemingly attractive things of the world that do not last. let him be the source of influence to his friends; he not just want to be with his friends in this lifetime on Earth but to be with them eternally in heaven.

i also wan2 pray for my spiritual buddy yanyu, thank God for her heart in having a burden for cheong seng and wanting to bring him back to U, Lord. assure her ur presence, give to her wisdom and knowledge that she'll be able to know his needs and give proper advice to him that will be relevant and speaks Ur word O Lord.

Finally for tmr peru outing, pray for fruitful time of interaction,opportunities to share of ur love and grace. bless us with good weather and safe journey.

thank God in advance for blessings to come.=)all these in Jesus' name.AMEN :D

memory verse for the week

2008-09-23T22:08:00.000+08:00

actually wanted to find the verse when doing my QT later but went to read uncle ah-foo's blog and saw this verse that i fell in love with :)) so it shall be my mem verse for the week

Roman 5:3-4 "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

guess its really something many people need: an assurance during a time of suffering.. sometimes we're not even suffering and we really feel like giving up. but God's promise is that the more we go thru the more we'll gain.. wan2 meditate on this verse and hopefully God will drop me more insights so that i may know Him more and flow with His heartbeat.

a miracle!!

2008-09-23T20:32:00.000+08:00

today i woke up the morning to be in God's most wonderful presence!! i knew it'll be another brand new day walking closely with God and i thanked God in advance for it..
had intended to complete my physics lab report today but i could not assess matlab from home so cannot plot my graph for the results. thus decided to study in school tmr and do my lab report there.
yup but i didn't slack after that cos i remembered faith comes hand in hand with action, so though i prayed really hard God to bless me on the things that need to be done, i need to put in my utmost effort. so i perseveringly moved on to start on my programming assignment.. though it wasn't like first try got it but i still got it after like 10 tries later!! which is really so amazing :D cos usually i do programming problems try like five times cannot means i really don't know what else i can do.. this incident really showcase to me what i've been working on lately: to let my faith and actions come hand in hand. i had to persevere on attempting another method and trust that God will grant me peace of mind if it fails to work out again and grant me the knowledge of what other methods there may be. really thank God for this miracle, i completed a major task i had for my recess week!! i'm really relieved by the fact i complete that assignmentso i really think God has worked through this and God is always so amazing!!
yup so once again i pray for tmr. for there to be smooth connection to the remote server for the matlab so that i can do my lab report for me to continue to have a peace of mind and not get frustrated by my work and i still wana make use of the chance to minister to the other brothers and sisters, getting to know them more and understand their needs (studying is the time that people will usually share about their difficulties!!). pray that we'll have a safe exercise session and brothers and sisters to be refreshed by the workout .thank GOD in advance for all these blessings :) AMEN!!

2008-09-22T17:27:00.000+08:00

arRR..today really start of recess week but i really feel that its gonna end very soon! so really wana commit to God, reveal more of ur presence during this period, please God.
here's my plans for the week :
first and foremost i wana organise up all my things, which include tidying up my room, my notes everything so that i can really study conveniently in future.
next is to catch up with my school work. didn't quite understand some things in the lecture so its time to catch up. and also use the time to do more practises to confirm i understand the concepts and application
den is to complete my assignment and lab report!! have not start either yet!! so really must buck up, yea..
finally is to start studying specifically on the mid-terms coming up, which include mas181,mas110 and he191.

God please lead me through and give me peace of mind so that i may not be too stressed :) thank you ,lord :D
May i continue to serve with lots and lots of joy~!^^

back to ushering!

2008-09-21T23:30:00.000+08:00

haha today received email from some1 called joella who's in the tertiary usher ministry and informed me that from october onwards,i'd b an usher in tertiary service.. yups thank God for giving me this opportunity to serve .i pray that i'd always have the spirit of excellence as i serve in a similar way but different environment, grant me a humble heart willing to learn and accept new things. i have a feeling that because its something i'd done before,so i'd more or less show that i know how the usher duty goes about but let this not appear to others as arrogance and i really foresee new things that i'll learn in this ministry. also pray that i'd be able to blend well with the people in the group, cause i had really see value in the support i got from people in my ushering team previously.

today also had a farewell dinner for yong sheng. he's leaving to study in cambridge (which is like woOAHH!)coming friday. so went sengkim's dad's coffeeshop!haha had quite a lot if fun there.
though didn't really get to know YS well but always see that he's around during service, sub-d gathering and whenever/wherever his caregroup is although he doesn't study in ntu like the rest of them do. i see a sincere heart he has for people and always wanting to do something good for the people around. really thank God for putting this brother into our midst :) now that he has to leave, i'm sure its because God had plans for him to continue touching lives and making positive impact in a new environment !and i'm just so happy to know that !though saddening that some1 has to leave,it is heartwarming to know that he is taking a step towards such great growth :D
also get to meet up with kat there and pass her the long overdue card and cross-stitch!!haha the cross-stitch was started like during june but i made a 'fatal' mistake and had to redo so finished at around late july which was when school was about to start and had loads to do(cos i was really last min haha!) so didn't have time to think how to present it to her den school start also stressed and never do anything about it only now recess week den tidy table found it den make card to give her.haha still i believe its the heart that counts :)

kk i pray for God to bless me in my sleep, recharge my energy, refresh me for the coming brand new day, prepare me for my hard work during the day that i may use to glorify ur name. commit the night and the upcoming day and whole new week into ur mighty hands :D in Jesus name.AMEN! nitenitex :)

"More than Work" (Colossians 3:23-24)

2008-09-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

heex.. today ps Jeff preached!! haha really thank God for speaking to me so closely and just-at-the-right-time during service just now.titled 'More than Work' from passage Colossian 3:23-24. two teaching points, must do my best at work and must know that Jesus Christ is our ultimate boss :D
spoke to me that we must always remember that we are God's child even when doing our work or studies. therefore we must do our best in our work/studies to: 1.Lead consistent life 2.Glorify God with our achievements 3.Be salt and light ;be someone with a great influence on others and
Jesus is our ultimate boss.God created us to be in this world to put us to test, to know how much each of us can be entrusted to the rewards in heaven. and God promise to us is an eternal life in heaven where will rule and reign together with Jesus. and in Luke 16:10-12 it says if man is not trustworthy with little things (things of the world), he cannot be trusted with more (things of the world).
Pray that i'l always remember that my work/studies is the perfect channel i can use to glorify God therefore i need to work hard on it and i'd really fulfill the responsibility God has given me to be good students, excel in it so that we can use it to glorify our Father in heaven :D Amen :)

given an eternal purpose :))

2008-09-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

heyheys!
though so long never blog i still come back!!!haha okay yaya i'm guilty but today i 'm so determined i wana blog cos i wan to use this blog to make me accountable of my spiritual growth. mainly becos of this week's caregroup which was to set personal goals on areas to grow in order to achieve our cg vision of building a strong foundation in God's word so as to equip ourselves to be salt and light amongst people within our sphere of influence.
and i responded quite alot.

upward (how to establish intimate relationship w God):
Establish relationship with God to the extent that I feel His close presence despite being pre-occupied with my daily routine. (ie. Do tutorial tgr w/ God; brush teeth with God :D etc)
Prayer: -not just pray when I need to / when there is nothing else I can do , but pray and commit all things to God so that I can complete each task using God’s strength and not my own.
-set aside time to pray for others (15 min each day to pray for at least 2 person (believers and SOWees =)
Stretch my ability to serve by extend reliance on God, because serve more => do more => less time to seek God quietly. Need a balance, how to do so? Not sure yet but probably reading books?

Inward (my attitude):
Faith: Recognizing faith and action come tgr. Pray and ask God for strength but still do whatever I can and God will add to it, instead of thinking that I pray and not do anything and expect God to do everything.
Peace of mind: tap into this promise from God which is to grant us peace. Memorise and meditate verses John 14:27 & Matthew 6:34
Knowledge: memorise bible verses (at least a verse each week =))

Outward:
Outreach: Tiffany – coursemate, spend a lot of time w/ her individually. Perfect opportunity given by God to outreach
Yee Sam – OG mate knows she is insecure about her friendship and is looking out for friends that will always rmb her and walk tgr with her
Shi Yong – in religion called 天道 believes Jesus Christ but takes teaching from others religion too. Potential believer that will need someone to reveal to her that there is only this one God that will bring her eternal life in heaven.
Not be afraid to outwardly express my reliance on God; let others see the presence of God through me so that they may be blessed by His provision in me.
Be a source of encouragement: affirm people, not just by sms and cards but do it face-to-face or even better in a group . Because from book Be All You Can Be it says that it will have a greater significance on the person in this manner.
Not to be selective in people I establish closer relationship with. God loves them equally regardless believer /non-believer
Tap and stretch my spiritual gifting of hospitality. This gift to be exercised not based on emotions. Let God be my only source of joy and comfort so that I can always be joyful and hospitable. Stretch this gift to bless non-believers. Use it to draw people to myself so that I can share the gospel to them and do my part to fulfill the Great Commission.

Yup so from this week onwards, i will post my week's memory verse HERE :D
This week's memory verse:
And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to Him must believe He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seeks Him.
Yup its from this week's shepherding.

This week' s shepherding was on tuesday and we studied the passage Hebrews 11:1-10 which is on faith. Sumary of learning points are:
1. What is faith?: Faith is being sure of what we hope for, trusting God & His character (involves trusting even when we do not see the answers)
2. Why do we need to have faith?: Faith pleases God & help us grow in relationship w Him.
3. Application: Faith & action, faith in trials, faith in being healed, faith in approaching God.

Today had bible study with sengkim at the palette. passage was on Daniel 1 & 2. Learning points:
1. Daniel was loyal and obedient to God despite being in a foreign country where His God aren't praised. and, he stood firm in God's command to not eat food assigned by the king, even though he knew that it would created a lot of trouble.
Show also Daniel's reliance on God.
God showed favour of his obedience by blessing him with knowledge and understanding. These were clearly what they needed most in their current situation =>God provides accordingly
2. Even though Daniel did not hold high position among the king's wise men, he was respected. because even when the commander of guard (high position) wanted to put him to execution, he still had chance to ask. Daniel must have led a righteous and respectable life, which made him an influential character.
3. When Daniel spoke to the king, he kept pointing towards God. Doing things for God and fulfilling tasks with God's strength. =>bring glory to God
4. See importance in fellowship => looked for other 3 to pray tgr instead of praying alone.
After telling and interpreting king's dream, he was given high position and he requested for other 3 to be administrators because he saw the value in them and knew that he needed to carry out his work.

After that went on to talk about caregroup. He reminded me that the best way to serve my leader(specifically CL) is to give valuable feedback to her so that caregroup would be better suited to each one's need. it was really something that i've never thought about doing. Previously in youth i only participated in CG evaluation cos my CL asked me to. i shld have understood the importance of CG evaluation. yup, so something i wan2 see myself improve in.
like reason of being laid back: will my feedback even make a difference?
rebuttal: there won't even be an opportunity that a change will happen if i remain silent!!
haha. yups so just do it ba!
only things to consider: is it biblical? is it more beneficial?
if yes for both, just do it! jia you k =)

hmm, yup that's about it. recess week is here!!lol but can't enjoy holiday cos i'm lagging in uni, need this 1 wk break to catch up. btw tmr meeting eunice! to catch up,she was telling me about some of her worries in her family. God please bless my friend =) hope to hear good news tmr!
nite nitex (^.^)

i'm a year old !!

2008-07-28T12:12:00.000+08:00

heyas!! it's my spiritual birthday today!!!yays i'm one FULL year old in Christ! really happy to see myself having lived one year full of joy due to the presence of God!!hhaha.thank GOD for this 367th day (cos this year is a leap year so got 366 days) i entrust into His hands!and i look forward to the many many days He had prepared for me!
Memory verse for the week:
John 14:27 Peace i leave with you; my peace i give you. i do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. :D

ytd went to sentosa to celebrate lawrence's (from enigma!!) 21st birthday at SENTOSA!!haha and am badly SUNBURNT today!!haha.gonna get aloe vera later, so painful at the shoulders!!wana get tanner lehz,but always kena sunburnt!!haiz ytd i was such a trouble-maker lorz..after singing the birthday song wq started to put cream on lawrence face..so i joined in after time and wiped a plate of cream on his back then he wanted to take revenge on me so i wanted to shun and accidentally kicked sand into the mat when there are still food on it..oh no!!..i realle didn't mean it..and xianlun had a super pissed face and shouted eh!!there's still food lei!! and i was really really guilty =( yups but he told me he wasn't really blaming me...den after that again when wana shun from some1 who wana stain my face with cream i overturned xianlun's plate of cake!!and it fell to the floor!!omg! how come i keep de zui the same person!!ahh..at that time i really wanted to dig hole and hide lo!! if he wanted to smash a whole cake on me i really wouldn't think he's being overboard!!haha really thanks for his forgiveness..i am really sorry..

hahah.enigma really rocks!! we've been meeting up every alternate day since the day after we break camp!!cool right?!and as of today,latest news tells next meet up is on wed!!haha.yup really hope this passion for our friendship will last.

haiz today is the start of the last week of holidays!!7 days later school will start!!its reaching the end of my longest ever school holiday of my entire life!!nooooo..lol but on the other hand, there's this excitement about the things to come in this new phase of life and about the challenges that lie ahead of me ,which is planned by God, i want to uncover them and discover the more i can grow in Him. and today supposed to matriculate online but i couldn't login my account..den kor say nvr change password cannot login but i can't even rmb if i changed it..i rmb i tried to do it before but dunno if its successful.lol. cos if i change sure change to the password i always use one but tried it ready cannot...sianz just emailed to the helpdesk..see wad they say lo...

anyways, during saturdays wfl,xingni asked for our vision in life, so i asked God for who the person He wants me to be, and here's what i got:
1. some1 who makes an impact on people's life & inflences for the better. and i wana let them know it is GOD who made my life attractive to them
2. i want my career to be one which honours God. all that i gain from my job i gain them for God.
3.Go for missions and build churches in places where people has not been told about this God who brings us salvation.

yays!i'm so sure today will be such a fulfilling day, because i started it right with God! :))

2008-07-22T23:18:00.000+08:00

woohoo..haha just had first shepherding with brenda :) was really enjoyable, discussed about my spiritual gifts...top three are hospitality, voluntary and helps/service..haha yups they 'r wad i like to do!!lol .but also found out i'm really weak in wisdom and knowledge, so really need to something to improve...

yays!!den enigma really rock to the core!!haha went for og outing ytd and found out they alr went for impromptu outing on sat!!haha missed out le..but ytd was really fun,chatted like crazy as if haven't seen each other for ages!!haha watched red cliff ,damn boring show..haha but doesn't matters..hahha
kk.nitez!

enigma ROCKS!!

2008-07-21T00:57:00.000+08:00

yeaps, just back not long from spms foc!!was in a real fun group who likes ktv!!haha.yups had fun in the camp and yippie!!we're planning for OG outing alr!!haha.btw feel really guilty towards my sp!haha cos i really just 敷衍 the whole thing about sp,simply because i didn't want bgr and neglected the fact that the experience could bring me to know just a friend of the opposite sex...

ooh btw today was sengkim's 21st birthday!!happy bday to sengkim!!he held a party and invited so many of d acts calibre people it feels more like a acts calibre meet up!!haha but i think it brought great interaction!!yeaps thk god fer him!! :)

kks..today new sehpherd brenda asked me which area i want to grow in this period..and i realise i didn't think of this qn which is realle impt..,because as a christian we need to continuously grow..anyway after thinking about it i think i shld grow in the way to better do GOd's work, so i wana grow in evangelising and grow in word of god so that i can share with a better knowledge :)
pray that god will help me in that too :D
kk..nitez

2008-06-26T23:10:00.001+08:00

hmm. had quite an eventful day...haha my initial plans was to collect hammies at uncle ah-foo's place after work so i happily brought the cage to work...who knows half way i working he msg me telling me to prepare the hammies house first before collecting them....and i was like err..i'm all done preparing.... am i like the sort who 'l bring the hammies over and not have accomodtion for them or not have food for them!?? buden i thought may he has something on ..so i replied i'm all done preparing and asked if he's not free..haha den really my guess was right...hahaha aiyo not free dun wana say earlier..make me foolishly bring the cage to my office!!

anyways today finally got to have lunch with xiting!!the intern at my workplace!haha went pizza hut for the express lunch..queue damn long for it and we saw shuling with some of the finance people chit-chatting inside!and taking their time when we had no place to sit!!haha. and they were super funny shuling saw me first so she stare at me with stretched neck then after that they one by one stood up and look at us queuing!lol..
we both had chic salad...actually i was really tempted by the salad and baked rice but i just ate chessy shroom baked pasta on sunday during meet up with primary school classmates...its really fattening so i should control and make the healthier chioce :)) lol and they had my favourite cherry tomatoes!!and i took xiting's share too !haha love 'em :D

then after that sylvia ask alvin and me out for dinner!!hahah. den just nice i kena pangsei by uncle ah-foo so can go...so he actually gave me a chance for free dinner!!lol. but i din go because there was free dinner of cos. just really wana spend more time with people there and know them more before leaving...yups so went out to decide what food to have....and i realise outside GE centre there's really alot of restaurants to choose from!!haha we have jap,italian,vietnam,thai, blah blah...
ended up in sushi tei :)) haha
had a long chat about the people in the office !!hahas

haha then went back home with alvin...haha.den when i got home kor first thing chiong up and and take the hamster cage trying to search for the hammies ..haha den i complain to him uncle ah-foo pang sei me!!!haha so he went to talk to ah-foo online ..and now he promised to deliver hammies personally..lol yups see how lo :))
kks go pack stuff liaoz...tmr going matric camp!!yays go PERU!!

2008-06-01T17:38:00.000+08:00

hey! i'm back!haha haven't accept the uni!!but my decision now is ntu ..wana wait till the last min so that i can't regret cos if i really regret i'l think that if i didn't accept i would not get in any uni!!lol.

hmm my trip to terrenganu!!

had to wake up early,6.30 to catch our bus...got to larkin (a bus terminal at jb) ate this super shiok mee soto!!haha its really hot very nice!!haha i couldn't resist so demolished it before i took picture!!lol

and daddy mummy tried the lontong one for the first time.

it was kor's first time eating this mee soto and he finished my soup!!lol

on the coach!!

with mummy!

gosh 8hrs bus ride again!!

had doggie cushion for company :))

sneak shots of those two behind!!lol

had a stop here...

bought lollipops! love them extremely on long bus trips!

shared food for lunch..

burger!!

them savouring the burger....(and missed the camera!lol)

my half..

had fried mee siam too..

after lunch...

can't sleep so played snakes and ladders!!lol

lollipop is for dessert :))

think papa wants a lolli too!

now kor wans!

leaving JB!!

btw segamat is a durian town!!sells lots of durians and fruits!

donuts for tea break!!

long bus trips with family is always full of food!!haha

den next stop...we ate burger again!!haha this place cheaper and nicer...RM2.50 with egg previous one same price no egg....and this one had lots of veggie(i love!!) and had mayo...but after enjoying the burger, we were told that the bus can't work anymore!!!!

stupid bus!!

so we had to wait for them to call for another bus to continue our journey...but daddy wanted a change of plans to get my uncle's neighbour to come down and fetch us....

slacking at the place...

bought chips and keropok to eat...

is kor eating a chicken drumstick?!

haha its a piece of keropok which looks like one!!lol

the place had lots of cats!!

this a really cute kitty

sian..

sianzzzzZZ..

finally we waited from 4.45 to 7.30pm...den the car came and brought us to the shophouse..

the initial plan was to go to my aunt's place first den the shophouse but cos the shophouse is nearer to the bus breakdown site so daddy decided to change plan...

arrived at the place at 8plus bath and went out to eat zi char :) at the 海南会馆.

next day!!

scary backyard!!

all withered weeds...u people must be thinking am i able to stayin such a place??i'm not that city girl after all ,k

guess wads this!!u've never tasted this before..

its wild boar meat curry!!

yup its the kind of wild boar that has big fangs!! and i'm daring enough to eat it! haha truth is i wouldn't dare eat it if i hadn'd been eating it since i was young! anyway it tasted like mutton....

and eyy truth is the pig that we get prok from is actually the 'downgrade' evolution of wild boar's, the wild boars were captivated by humans and rears them as livestock so they lose the need for the fangs and breed their next generation into those without fangs and bigger in size...

my breakfast!! boar meat and some fried kuay teow mee..

surprise!this kampong place has tv!!and there's cable tv too!

kor sitting on the armchair! AH-Bei looking!!

helping me finish up my breakfast!

its a shophouse so had to wear slippers around

had to wear ugly slippers cos kor wearing mine,...

went out exploring the village....

a durian tree..there were some tiny durians but can't really see in this pic..

visited a veggie wholesale shop!!

found this cute kitten sleeping :))

daddy's selling chilli

and mummy selling brinjal!!lol

some weird fruit-bearing tree grown by the neighbours..

this the plant of the dragon ball fruit!!

daddy wants to be a farmer :D

walking back by the alley!! *its really shortcut!*

sqeezing the things bought into the ANTIQUE refrigerator!

the tiny durian i picked!!lol

if u were thinking whether it can b eaten... here's how small it is!

this is really the chinatown kind of shophouse but much older...

a big hole probably eaten by termites!!the hse gonna collapse!!

surprise 2!!there's a computer in this house!

antique iron!

nothing to do!!!

slacking and emo-ing by the window!!

and also taking zi lian photos!!

here's how we sleep...mattresses :)

lot's of cables and they look entangled !!

here's how the shower looks like..

there's another one in uncle's room which was added few yrs ago..

at least there's toilet seat!!haha this was rebuilt!!lol

look at the cob webs!!

uncooked dinner!

the chef's looking for his tools!!

next day!!

rooster goes cock-a-doodle-doo!

korkor scooping beehoon!

acting pro

breakfast!! always with milo!

daddy plucked a cacao fruit!!we'l try making chocolate!

kor driving us to the beach its the first time we all sitting on the car the drive!and his first time driving in m'sia!

nice beach!

pineapple grown by the next door neighbour.

coffee ice-cream!haha its just frozen concentrated ice cream :D

playing board games with mr durian,mr cacao and korkor's evil twin!!lol

lunch cooked by daddy and mummy

super nice mango for dessert !it the thailand kind of green mango!

look at the way we're enjoying it!

last day at the shophouse..so went exploring the place...

nice view at one of the rooms..

my aunt came over to fetched us to her hse...

leaving the place...

the mini durian!i wanted to bring it back to singapore but it cracked!!

arrived at aunt's house!

her place is a homestay!!haha she says most of the visitors are like sales promoters ..

her cactus is blooming!!

the place is near the beach!

went food hunting at the pasar malam...

boiling oil!!

frying these!!

cool!they have this sony ericsson road show

weeE!swing always love to sit here since young!

this cat wandered into the house

next day!!

went looking for delicious nasi lagung!!its a kind of malay cuisine rice cooked with some spices with tuna fish cooked in sweet chilli...ate before at this stall and their's is really good..

but they are not selling it anymore!!!!!! :(

so we tried the nasi lemak and ordered roti canai(known as roti prata in singapore)...
we tried roti canai before and it was really good too!different from the ones in singapore...

the nasi lemak was good too ,its nothing like the nasi lemak u know...cos its just coconut rice with fish cooked in chilli...but the chilli really shiok...i'd prefer that nasi lemak to ours..

their teh tarik has slightly less condensed milk than thailand!!lol

went exploring aunt's garden...

this the garden of another aunt who stays right beside!!haha

this is the tapioca plant!!

my late uncle loves bonsai :))

ba-cherry!!this wad my mum calls it!!haha it a kind of fruit that they used to grow about 1.5cm diameter pink colour the inside is juicy and has lots of tiny seeds(as tiny as salt grains that can be eaten ,of cos ) its really sweet and tastes like honey.

the home stay room!! not bad right? only 25per pax per night,40 for two pax :))

last day in malaysia!!so aunt had to serve us like vip!!bought breakfast for us while we were still sleeping!!lol

donuts

nasi lagung!!

nasi lemak

met this cute baby girl at the bus stop while waiting for our coach home...

she came to mummy on own accord!!haha CUTE!

waited damn long for the bus...timing was 10am the bus arrived at 10.40!!

ate burger again!!haha

and lolli again!!!

endless oil palm plantations!!

the coach had no one else but us taking back to singapore!!the whole coach just for us!!woohoo!

it had to add fuel!!

the fuel tank can hold more than 158 litres of fuel!!

traffic congestion on the causeway!!

finally home-sweet-home!! thru this trip i really felt so bad that no one is continuing my grandfather's pastry shop...it really has been so famous.... and in this trip i was continuously reminded of the times i come back while my grandparents were still around and there will always be the variety of pastries available and a few years back until last yr there was still the peanut biscuit which is unique to the family available and now..when people visit the shop, there's nothing at all....i really think that this business is do-able but just the environment is so inconvenient...if this business all the while started in singapore i believe it'l be a perfect success :))

and now i think i should get prepared to sacrifice and allow my parents to go over and continue this business while i grow independence and live by myself and my brother alone in singapore.

really pray for a miracle to happen for this cherished family business :))

2008-06-01T10:36:00.000+08:00

hey!!i'm back from malaysia!!haha..but now gonna fret over which uni to go to, cos ntu accepted me for physics and applied physics and kor told me the nus course was previously known as building which is like so boring!! kk i better go decide first den come back and blog about my trip :)) cya!

2008-05-25T16:01:00.000+08:00

wah..really busy these days !!have no time to blog ..anyway brief summary of what i've been doing last weekend went for uni camp at st john island, on day of break camp had yes meeting...den the next day had to start work...ytd ntu had tour for freshmen i wanted to go but in the end got held up cos of the friend i invited to come along....so instead i went to prepare for kor's bday party..come up with this video!!

i think its really oool!!

haha..anyway now gonna go for the party soon...baked lots of brownie for the crowd *and i invented new flavourS!!i added choc&cofee topping and another with rum!!taste like tiramisu!! :D* and a huge konnyaku jelly as kor's 'bday cake'.. i arranged 21 out of the fruits k? later take photo and blog... kk den tmr morning leaving for terranganu, my father 's lao jia all the way until not saturday so whole week can't blog!!haha will take photos and blog when i return :))

2008-05-14T20:50:00.000+08:00

yayS!!finally got my photos up!!haha

wah..this week work really draining..everyday do different things..monday i was doing cheque to clinic ytd do warehouse den today register hospital bill.....so sian la..learn to do this den later ask me do something else...
anyway this week got 2 new colleagues!!one is ntu business year2 going on year3 student here for internship den the other is karen who had worked there before while my bro was there...
haiz den now do the things all over so desk become so messy!!

haha..okie gotta think and pray over for camp on friday :)) cya!

2008-05-11T14:29:00.000+08:00

...got a swollen eye since friday and it got worse since ytd!!and haven't got a chance to see doctor =(
friday took half day off and went for sociology entry test at ntu.... couldn't fond the place and was late...thinking of it they were not being very considerate for the candidates. 1) they inform me of the test only thru email and it was sent on wed and the test dates are only wed thur and fri so it is only 2day notice at most and i'l lose the chance of getting in of i didn't check my mail. 2)they didn't give the exact venue which we were supposed to report to, only wrote blk S3.2 school of humanities and social sciences when that building had 5 storey. so i was alr there but couldn't find the place i'm supposed to be. so in the end i was late by 20 min even though i reached 5 mins before reporting time T.T
anyways the test was totally like GP they gave us a very GP passage den ask for the author's main argument and issues brought out by the author to support his argument. and i was like did it anyhow partly because i was rushing down there and not settled down and mayb because i hadn't touched such thing since 5+months ago!!?
yups anyway can still go to nus project & facil management,not a lousy course and it kinda my type of thing to study!!haha and every1 says that too..but just got the ill feeling that i will be receiving a rejection letter from ntu cos sociology is alr my last choice!! o.o

yups den got back to work and alvin told me i'd not b registering claims anymore and would do some miscellaneous stuff instead..its really GOSH! i haven't even decided whether to quit and they change my job scope..haiz so if i still wana quit that means i'l learn the new things to do and then BYE i'm gone!!that's really so stupid!!=.=

after that went for tuition..eadric has really been disobedient these few weeks .this time he was extremely reluctant too do his work mayb because his exams are alr over.ask him to do work he just stare into space and then fall asleep .. i was really irritated and scolded him but he still refused to change..haiz really dunno whether i should b more fierce or should i b more patient instead and make him do by providing incentives...=/
after that when timothy's place (our UL) for stayover and it made my eye got worse!! so after i get back i went to sleep and planned to see doctor after waking up but when i gone out all the clinics were alr closed!! =.=

hope i get to see a doctor later and it will really help!!

okkie dun blog so much today ,cos it mother's day!!and should spend more time with family!!that's what the sermon ytd taught !! =) love to hear the word of God cos they always help to become a better person!!amen! :D

okkie dun blog so much today is mother 's day!!gotta spend more time with family :)) bye!

2008-05-04T19:37:00.000+08:00

hey today went jiahao house to celebrate shiwei's 19th birthday!!hahaytd bought a cake for him alr and he haven't eat den still say it melted alr!!den got to meet yanshan and eunice...its like finally and i passed the stuff from taiwan and thailand to yanshan...i din know eunice coming so i diddn't bring hers.. had lunch and watch the spartans, a rather stupid show!!haha just for laughs...yup den i showed eunice the pics i took in thailand and she told me katarina was her ex-classmate!!haha wad a small world!!

oh btw ytd zixin didn't go only got me joce edmund and weihao dunno whether eugene came after i left(left early cos of church service) and they wanted to play the reverse bungy thingy at the boat quay place...haha dun think i'll have the guts to do it!!haha.

oh and ytd's sermon was about relationship betn leaders and members and it was by pastor jeff!!he always preach in an engaging manner :)) yup talk about our role as members and/or leaders..basically it increased my understanding of what leaders have to face and their heavy responsibility so all the more we should respect them and obey them ..and wow sengkim really surprised me..he wanted to talk to me about changing my tuition so that i could attend the uni camp w/o missing anything and he actually took the bus with me just to do that..and in the end he still need to find his way back..think that really shows how much he wana care and take responsibiity of each of our spiritual lives..its really a WOW!!really think he's a leader who touches people with his actions..really wana grow in this and put all that i've learnt into action not just one ora few times but all the time!!

2008-05-03T11:09:00.000+08:00

hiyee~!got my posting result for nus!!i got my first choice Bachelor in Science (Project and Facilities Management)!! its quite a good course for me..but the problem is i haven't got my results from ntu!!the school that i really wana go to!!but anyways it will come soon definitely!!haha yup so no worries!!haha and whatever it is i'll still be in God's BESTEST plan!!!yays!
Yay !later i gonna meet zixin and jocelyn!its really have not met them for years!haha and it like we wanted to meet long time ago but our free time just doesn't match !!so i'm really excited and looking forward to the meeting :))
but cos of this i had to turn my cg down..shepherd wanted to go shopping with the cg gals and my CLs want'd to start the culture of having cg lunch every sat 4.30 before svc and i can't make it today... i'l b meeting them at 3 but the 4e1 girls are famous for being late!!so i smsed them to not b late alr..hope it helps!!

ohoh if ur wondering why there's no pic for thai camp post... i really wana put up the pics but i just can't upload them into the net!argh! i'l continue trying though :))