opps.. really long since i last blogged... hmm... christmas is just over and this year's christmas was quite an unusual one for me, cos i literally spent the whole day sleeping!! haha i slept then i wake up to take my meals and medicine then go back to sleep!! haha super unhealthy right? think i wouldn't have got up to eat if i need not take my medicine, probably sleep all the way!! haha... thank God the running nose and fever are almost gone, but i still can't get back my voice!! argh!! wondering if i should go down for tuition tmr morning... tmr is payday!! if don't go less money then less money for church building fund... haiz..
i realise i'm rather in a state of confusion when my leader is not available... haha cos sengkim went for surgery and his dad confined him at home for two weeks... even though he told us eng how will be leading us during this period, i haven't heard anything from eng how and it feels quite lost haha... really hope to see that the caregroup can still stay together during this period...
it was rather disappointing that we didn't really have visitors for the christmas service... and i went down for the service despite my fever because i really really hope that my friends would come down eventually and really don't want them to be forfeited the chance of hearing God's word because i wasn't at the service... guess i'll need to continue being faithful in making a difference in these people's lives...
my brain feels rather dead now... i just don't feel like thinking, don't feel like doing anything that is fruitful... it becomes so hard to give thanks and to love God more and more... God please heal me of my sickness...
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Friday, December 04, 2009
My slippers broke on my way to school =(
the broken slipper...my slippers broke immediately after i reach the bus interchange to take my bus... was rather sad and angry cos its such a far walk back to home and the wouldn't be anyone to help if i were to take the bus and head over to boon lay =( stood there and thought for some time before proceeding to try to drag back home with the broken slipper... on the way i just kept thinking... why didn't it broke just when i came out of house? why didn't break only when i reached school... i just keep thinking that it broke at the worse timing =( but it put me to realise also i'm very reliant on people to help me... i just don't want to solve the problem myself... it applies to almost all things..and i make use of the excuse that i'm consulting Godly counsel, but i think i might have overdone it and it became shurking my responsibility to solve my own problems and by doing so i forfeit myself of listening to the holy spirit as well... guess i need to do something about it... i see the problem now, but i don't really have a desire to change it cos i just don't like the idea of having to face my problems myself all the time =( but i hope God can change me, once again, help me to become more independent... God if this is according to your ways, please change my heart.
Thursday, December 03, 2009
GC and exams ended!!
haven't had time to blog since i came back from GC and after my last paper!! haha... GC was really a crazy experience! but really fruitful and enjoyable =)
had three long days with severe lack of sleep... however, that really allow me to experience God's providence in abundance!! haha amazingly =)
initially was pretty uncertain about the trip... firstly had some problem deciding about the way to get to the airport as the flight was quite early and certain bus service we intended to take had not yet started... however things went on okay after some checking out and confirming… however, along the way, was still really uncertain whether it’s God’s will that I go for this GC, after all GC didn’t completely fit into my exam schedule and leaders didn’t encourage my decision initially.. its only after assurance that I have time to study that they allowed me to go… so I was thinking I might have forced my way here and might need to suffer certain consequences… but there was just a sense of assurance that still, this is what God had allowed and definitely I will benefit from this GC =)
During the trip, I studied for the first two nights, didn’t study on the last night cos we did sharing and reflections till 3am and I had to wake up at 4.30am to catch my flight.. totally crazy… and due to some complications, I ended up sleeping by curling up at the side of the bed on the first night =( but I really thank God for sustaining me through the programmes of the GC.. though I was nodding off, I captured most of the teachings and experience presence of God vividly during praise and worship =)
Another amazing experience that I really wanna give glory to God is His help during my revision… I amazingly managed to understand my module in short time spent and I really could concentrate in my studies better… I guess this was what I really needed… it’s really hard not to be stressed knowing that you have badly little time left to study and you are studying so late in the night, knowing that the next day will be filled with programmes and activities… I guess God gave me peace as well, I wasn’t panicky while I studied. Indeed God is faithful =)
Set a few objectives before the camp so as to come to God with expectation…
1. Gain strengthening to face challenges
2. Growing armour-bearer spirit
3. Making sense of experiences
Glad that God spoke to me regarding all the objectives =) Regarding challenges, I was rather put to shame cos I was exposed to people facing much greater challenges than me and they remained so faithful. I think to be strengthened is to look for resources to overcome these challenges… God gives to each challenges as well as the resources to deal with God cos God is out to prosper us and never to harm us =) had a new understanding about armour-bearing spirit that it is very important and I need to follow closely behind the leader in order to fulfil my job.. really want to improve on this =) I think some weakness I have in doing this is the way I communicate feedback and the knowledge of my leader… Lastly, making sense of my experiences, what I think I can grow in is the impartation of spirit to those around me.. the experiences that I have, I need to impart to the people around me, just like how I always gain impartation of spirit by others… this way the people help me to preserve this spirit if anytime I lost it or forgot it…
My greatest impression of this GC is that it really surrounds the building up of leadership, disciple-making and to be upward and outward looking =) many applications that were shared are how to build up people, how to grow people =) it called for me to impart whatever I have to be devoted for God’s work and gave me a push and a direction of how to overcome self-love and self-centredness =)
Really think that this GC was full of great and wonderful experiences.. on the flight back, I had to take the plane alone so it was a first time… didn’t think it was a pleasing experience but I guess it’s a step of independence =) which I quite secretly badly don’t want to grow in!! haha but i have no choice!! Btw parents went back to terrenganu already =( just two days after I return and a day after I end exam… pretty sad that I didn’t really have time to spend with them =( but I guess the thing that will really please them is that I will be able to take care of myself =) so I need to work hard to do that!! Came up with a household chores plan which splits up the work we have at home with my brother =) I think this time things should be much better! =)
Just want to end off by praying that I will be faithful with whatever God has spoken to me during this GC.. I really need to carry through, may things learnt, many things I have in mind to do, I may not have the strength, the resources to do them yet but I want to try and I want to put them on hold and wait for the opportunity =) Pray for a heart that is always soft and sensitive to the Holy Spirit as well =)
had three long days with severe lack of sleep... however, that really allow me to experience God's providence in abundance!! haha amazingly =)
initially was pretty uncertain about the trip... firstly had some problem deciding about the way to get to the airport as the flight was quite early and certain bus service we intended to take had not yet started... however things went on okay after some checking out and confirming… however, along the way, was still really uncertain whether it’s God’s will that I go for this GC, after all GC didn’t completely fit into my exam schedule and leaders didn’t encourage my decision initially.. its only after assurance that I have time to study that they allowed me to go… so I was thinking I might have forced my way here and might need to suffer certain consequences… but there was just a sense of assurance that still, this is what God had allowed and definitely I will benefit from this GC =)
During the trip, I studied for the first two nights, didn’t study on the last night cos we did sharing and reflections till 3am and I had to wake up at 4.30am to catch my flight.. totally crazy… and due to some complications, I ended up sleeping by curling up at the side of the bed on the first night =( but I really thank God for sustaining me through the programmes of the GC.. though I was nodding off, I captured most of the teachings and experience presence of God vividly during praise and worship =)
Another amazing experience that I really wanna give glory to God is His help during my revision… I amazingly managed to understand my module in short time spent and I really could concentrate in my studies better… I guess this was what I really needed… it’s really hard not to be stressed knowing that you have badly little time left to study and you are studying so late in the night, knowing that the next day will be filled with programmes and activities… I guess God gave me peace as well, I wasn’t panicky while I studied. Indeed God is faithful =)
Set a few objectives before the camp so as to come to God with expectation…
1. Gain strengthening to face challenges
2. Growing armour-bearer spirit
3. Making sense of experiences
Glad that God spoke to me regarding all the objectives =) Regarding challenges, I was rather put to shame cos I was exposed to people facing much greater challenges than me and they remained so faithful. I think to be strengthened is to look for resources to overcome these challenges… God gives to each challenges as well as the resources to deal with God cos God is out to prosper us and never to harm us =) had a new understanding about armour-bearing spirit that it is very important and I need to follow closely behind the leader in order to fulfil my job.. really want to improve on this =) I think some weakness I have in doing this is the way I communicate feedback and the knowledge of my leader… Lastly, making sense of my experiences, what I think I can grow in is the impartation of spirit to those around me.. the experiences that I have, I need to impart to the people around me, just like how I always gain impartation of spirit by others… this way the people help me to preserve this spirit if anytime I lost it or forgot it…
My greatest impression of this GC is that it really surrounds the building up of leadership, disciple-making and to be upward and outward looking =) many applications that were shared are how to build up people, how to grow people =) it called for me to impart whatever I have to be devoted for God’s work and gave me a push and a direction of how to overcome self-love and self-centredness =)
Really think that this GC was full of great and wonderful experiences.. on the flight back, I had to take the plane alone so it was a first time… didn’t think it was a pleasing experience but I guess it’s a step of independence =) which I quite secretly badly don’t want to grow in!! haha but i have no choice!! Btw parents went back to terrenganu already =( just two days after I return and a day after I end exam… pretty sad that I didn’t really have time to spend with them =( but I guess the thing that will really please them is that I will be able to take care of myself =) so I need to work hard to do that!! Came up with a household chores plan which splits up the work we have at home with my brother =) I think this time things should be much better! =)
Just want to end off by praying that I will be faithful with whatever God has spoken to me during this GC.. I really need to carry through, may things learnt, many things I have in mind to do, I may not have the strength, the resources to do them yet but I want to try and I want to put them on hold and wait for the opportunity =) Pray for a heart that is always soft and sensitive to the Holy Spirit as well =)
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